Gone

Author: Sierra (AliasSydney502)
Genre: S/V
Summary: “Time is everyone’s enemy”
Disclaimer: Sydney, Vaughn, etc are properties of JJ Abrams and ABC.

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Prologue + Chapters 1-8

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Prologue


“You know you shouldn’t be traveling!”

“I have to! How do you think I could avoid it!?! They are already mad at me for this,” She points to her midsection. “Now they ask me to do one simple mission and you don’t think it’s a good idea?!”

“Honey, I just don’t want the baby to be hurt!” He moved closer to her to give her a hug but she backed away.

“I think you need to sleep on the couch tonight.” She grabbed a pillow and a blanket and shoved it at him before throwing him out of the room.

She sat back on her bed and pulled her legs up to her chest crying. It was only twilight, but the rain was already pouring down. The streets were filled with bustling cars, sirens, and people going on with their lives, but all Sydney could think of was how horrible of a person she was.

She didn’t know what she’d say, but she had to tell him soon. The longer she waited, the harder it would be, and the more it would hurt.




Chapter 1


Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong.

It had all happened so fast. Thinking back on it, it was unexpected, but somehow, she knew it would happen. She knew her life was anything but simple, and she was still mad and probably wasn’t watching herself as carefully as he would want her to.

She left in the morning, not bothering to wake him up, and went to the airport. When she landed, she was on her way to her rental car when they came up behind her. They held the gun not to her head, but to her stomach. She regretted thinking that it might be better if they had shot her. It disgusted her that the thought even ran through her mind.

Now, she was in a cold, metal cell. She had been thrown in almost as if they didn’t care she was pregnant. She had been scared that she’d lost the baby, but then when it kicked, she knew it was still there. She had yet to find out who captured her, or what they wanted, but she was certain she would be found and be able to go home.

She had to tell him the truth before it was too late. He had a right to know.

Lyrics- Kelly Clarkson - Behind These Hazel Eyes




Chapter 2


Her thoughts were haunted every night, visions of them being a happy family, playing in the backyard, her baby growing up and getting married, having their own kids. It seemed so close, and yet, so far.

She just hoped that her past mistakes would not be a burden for their child to understand or accept. ‘Their Child’. It sounded wrong, mainly because she knew the truth about the baby. About it’s real parents, about it’s painful existence. She made a note of all her surroundings and tried every chance she had to get something, anything to help her escape. She was getting closer to her due date and didn’t know how long she would be able to make it away.

Days passed by, without her noticing. No one came to see her, torture her, ask her for information. It seemed they just wanted her to suffer. She deserved it. She was a horrible person.

All the pain I thought I knew
All my thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head.

Around June, she was jolted awake by a sharp pain in her lower abdomen. She felt the sheets below her get wet and panicked, thinking she would have to deliver the baby herself. Just then, a few nurses appeared from behind the rot iron door.

“Who are you?” She asked, astonished that they knew she was about to go into labor.

They silently picked her up and deposited her on a cot, strapping her arms own in the process.

“Don’t hurt my baby!” She screamed, when another person appeared in the doorway, threateningly holding a syringe full of some strange liquid. “Please…” She whimpered, now crying from this horrible situation.

The man came up next to her and whispered in her ear, “Say goodbye now.” And injected her with the substance.

I have myself to blame,
For the state I’m in today,
And now dying doesn’t seem so cold.

She woke up in a stark white room, laying on a clean bed, surrounded by monitors and random machines, supposedly making sure she was alright. She looked at her midsection, where her baby was, and realized that her stomach was no longer swelled. The question on her mind was,

Where is my baby?

Lyrics: Kelly Clarkson - I Hate Myself For Losing You, Avril Lavigne - Take Me Away




Chapter 3


I woke up today.
Woke up wide awake.
In an empty bed,
Staring at an empty room

She hurriedly took off all the medical discs stuck onto her skin and the IV drip inserted into her hand, and moved her legs off the side of the bed. She had to find her baby and get out of this place. She then realized, she had no idea where she was, who had her, or where her baby was. All hope of that scenario went out the window with her freedom.

She looked over at the file folder on the table next to her, clearly intended to be read by her. She flipped it open and noticed their mistake, they left a paperclip inside, holding a birth certificate and medical papers neatly together. She took it quickly and hid it on her body.

They had left a pen out too, but it would be too obvious if she took that too, so she wondered what they wanted her to do with it.

She took another look at the papers and saw that she had had a baby girl, seven and a half pounds, with hazel eyes. She sighed in relief that she wouldn’t look like her father. At least not yet.

They was a space on the certificate, marked for a name, flagged to be filled in. She took up the pen and managed to write ‘Jane’.

They had discussed what to name the baby early on in her pregnancy, but refused to find out it’s gender. He told her it would be more of a surprise, what a surprise it was indeed. Sighing, she replaced the folder back on the table and laid back down on the comfortable mattress. It was much better than the cold cot in her cell.

She decided to wait it out, until they came to her.

I could sing you a tune,
And promise you the moon,
But if that’s what it takes to hold you,
I’d just as soon let you go.

She wondered if she shouldn’t just leave now, let them have Jane. Leave her here, they seemed to want her. Life could be easier without her. He would think she was sorry for leaving the baby, but that she tried everything she could to save her.

She wouldn’t have to lie to him again. She could just keep it all a big secret and it would pass in time. Sure, he would be heartbroken at the loss, but it would happen eventually when he found out the truth about Jane. She could pretend to be heartbroken too, and they could start over again. The right way. With no more lies.

She hated to think how horrible her betrayal would be to him. If he ever found out, he would kill her. He would yell at her, he would say the worst things, he would probably throw things, and he would leave.

She would be left holding the blame for being so ignorant in the first place. She didn’t plan on getting pregnant, but when he joyously accepted it, she couldn’t tell him the bad news. She lied to him. She deserved to be left.

She leaned her weight over the side of the bed, took one look at the closed folder, and started slowly walking to the door. She froze in her tracks when she heard the sound of a baby crying.

Lyrics: Kelly Clarkson - I Hate Myself For Losing You, Dolly Parton - I Beg Your Pardon




Chapter 4


Tears formed up in her eyes as she looked upon the little bundle in the crib. She looked so innocent, so adorable. She placed her wearied hand on the thin glass separating them.

She had brown eyes, just as the paper had said. Dark, hazel, chocolate, auburn eyes. The little girl looked up from her crib and noticed the unfamiliar woman watching her. She began to whimper, then full out cry.

For fear of being discovered, she leaned closer to the glass separating them and began softly singing to her baby.

“Be quiet angel,
Don’t make a sound.
Save it for a rainy day.
Can’t you see me,
I’m such a mess,
Trying hard to find my way.”

Her crying subsided and her mother leaned against the glass, taking in the sight of her baby girl and cherishing their first moment together.

Her little Jane.

Now she just couldn’t leave her at the hands of these evil people. She searched the adjoining walls and found a door, leading directly into the nursery. Checking once more down the hallway, she quickly sprinted towards the door and opened it softly.

“Hey there, angel.” She cooed, tears streaming down her face as she approached the crib. “It’s alright, mommy’s here now.” She reached the side of the wooden crib and peered inside at the bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. She stood out in a place so full of white.

She wiped away the tears on her cheeks and gently reached into the crib, shivering slightly when her hands came in contact with the warm fleece of the blanket. She slowly lifted the tiny girl into her arms, talking to her all the while, telling her she was beautiful, and that she loved her.

The little girl looked up at her mother and let out a small giggle, followed by a smile. She couldn’t help but smile back, she knew her mother. Jane reached up with her tiny hands to touch her mommy and held on tight to her mother’s pinky finger, not letting go.

“My little girl.” She whispered, tears of joy making their marks down her cheeks.

When she wraps her hand around my finger,
Everything becomes a little clearer.
I realize what life is all about.
It’s hanging on when your heart has had enough,
It’s giving more when you feel like giving up.
I’ve seen the light, and it’s in my daughter’s eyes.

She didn’t deserve to be left at the hands of these people, whoever they were. She was her only daughter, or at least her first. She needed to get away from this place, back into his arms.

She went back out into the corridor, carefully watching the hallways for any movement. The facility was strangely quiet.

She crept around the corners, holding Jane close and hoping that she didn’t make a sound. She wouldn’t be able to fight if she encountered any resistance. She had just had a child, plus she was carrying a baby in her arms.

She found a door marked exit and quickly escaped into the bright sunlight, squinting. She hadn’t been outside in a long time. She found herself in the countryside, surrounded by miles and miles of grass.

Lyrics: Kelly Clarkson - Just Missed The Train, Martina McBride - In My Daughter’s Eyes




Chapter 5


She looked around, taking in the rolling hills and sprawling countryside. There must have been miles before she would even reach a town or house.

She had to start one way or another and chose the path with the flattest terrain and began walking. It didn’t take her long before she was exhausted, but she pressed on, afraid that if she stopped now, they could catch up to her.

When it got dark out, she found a small creek off the side of the field and decided that it would be their campsite for the night. She washed her dirty feet and nursed Jane, making sure she was alright before drinking for herself from the stream.

It felt good to stop walking, but knowing they still had many more miles to travel, she found a flat area with soft ground to make into their bed. It was the best she could do, but she still felt like Jane deserved more than this, more than her as a mother. She made sure Jane was warm enough and held her close as she drifted into a light sleep.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She woke up at dawn, finding Jane still sleeping peacefully. She stretched her worn out muscles and gathered some more water. She lifted Jane into her arms slowly, so as not to wake her, and made her way back to the field.

She walked all day, and finally saw a small house on the horizon. Her heart pounded with anticipation and she smiled slightly, happy to be that much closer to her old life.

She made it there by sundown and knocked on the door, an old man answered, gun drawn, and regarded her suspiciously. Then he yelled back into the house and an old woman came out. She saw the poor state she was in and ushered her into the house. She took Jane and got her a new blanket and diaper and handed her back.

They allowed her some time to rest, all the while talking about who this mysterious woman was and how she got all the way out in this side of the country. She woke up a few hours later to the smell of freshly cooked food. The old woman brought her a tray of it and some mashed up food for the baby.

She thanked them immensely and when she was finished, asked if they had a car she could use.




Chapter 6


“I’m sorry dear, we don’t have a car… there’s not much place we could go out here anyway.” The woman answered, sorry to disappoint her guest. “I do have a phone, if that helps?” She suggested.

“Yes, please.” She answered, happy to finally be able to get home. She called a private number, giving her code and waiting for someone to pick up.

“Hello?” The director of her division at the CIA answered.

“I need transport from…” She looked up to the woman who was still hovering nearby, cooing over Jane. The woman noticed her questioning stare and told her the town, which she relayed over the phone. “Swansboro. Yes, thanks.”

Hanging up, she thanked the couple profusely, awaiting her transport back home.

~*~

There was a faint noise coming from the front of the house. It sounded suspiciously like a burglar and he got up to investigate. Gun drawn at the ready, he slowly crept into the living room, towards the front door. Seeing a dirty, muddy, dusty person huddled in his foyer sent a chill down his spine. The person’s face was hidden by a piece of torn fabric.

“Who are you?” He asked. The person looked up and met his eye; tears falling softly down her cheeks. “Oh my God.” He whispered, immediately dropping his weapon and pulling her into an embrace. Relief washed over him as he held her in his arms. She was safe- a little dirty, but safe- and home.

But what happened to the baby, he wondered. She had been gone from her eight and a half month to now, which was far past her due date. Had they taken the baby? Was he/she still alive, he wondered, answering his own questions when she pulled back and he saw something bundled up in her arms.

Smiling softly, he watched as she silently unwrapped the tiny infant. Soft gurgling noises filled the room as Jane took in her new surroundings.

“Is that her?” He asked, marveled at the tiny infant.

“Yeah. Her name’s Jane.” She answered, smiling down at her daughter. “You wanna hold her?”

“Sure.” He carefully took Jane from her mother’s arms, holding her close to his chest and gently rocking her back and forth. “She’s amazing.” He conceded. “She’s beautiful, just like her mommy.”

“We need to talk.” She interrupted, frowning.




Chapter 7


“Yeah? About what?” He asked, concerned. Did something happen to her while she was gone, other than giving birth? Was she hurt, or being followed? Thousands of ideas scattered across his mind as she beckoned him to sit with her on the couch.

“It’s about Jane.” She admitted, wanting to be blunt and get this over with. He surely wouldn’t want her if he knew the truth and it was wrong to keep stringing him along.

“Is something wrong with her? Is she hurt? Sick?” He said, quickly checking the little girl in his arms to make sure she had ten fingers and toes and was not cut or bleeding.

“No, she’s fine… it’s just…” She stuttered, trying to find the right words to make him see that she didn’t do it on purpose. She didn’t mean to hurt him. It wasn’t planned this way. She wanted to go back and change it all. She never would have gone to his house, gotten drunk, slept with him. She never should have picked that fight. She never should have yelled. She never should have doubted him.

“Babe, what is it? You can tell me.” He listened intently, gently rubbing the back of her battered hand. He didn’t know what was about to come. He seemed so innocent. He had no idea.

“Jane’s not yours.” She whispered, looking down and trembling with anticipation. What would he do? Would he throw her out, kick her to the curb, and abandon them?

“Is… is she… his?” He asked calmly, almost with no emotion. His non-reaction scared her and she was suddenly frightened of what he might do to the innocent baby in his arms.

She slowly nodded, her eyes focused on Jane who was entirely clueless to the current situation. She didn’t deserve a mother who was an adulterous whore. Her real father didn’t even know about her. Did he deserve to? She wasn’t created out of love; she was just the product of a drunken one-night stand.

“I… I don’t know what to say.” He replied, suddenly seeing the little girl in a different light. All this time he thought she was his. How could he have been so blind? How could he have not noticed? Was there something going on with him? He began to doubt if she was actually kidnapped. Maybe she had set it up so she could go be with him when Jane was delivered. Maybe she just came back because she found out what he really was like. Maybe she got bored with him. But then why would she tell him this?

“I’m sorry.” She said weakly. “I’m so sorry.” She cried as he gently placed the child back in her arms and walked out the door.




Chapter 8


When she finally stopped crying it was almost two am. Jane was asleep in her mother’s arms, quietly snoring. Knowing she needed sleep, she got up and walked back to where their bedroom was. She saw that nothing had been moved since she was gone and it felt eerily quiet that he wasn’t there with her. Would he ever be there again? Was he gone forever? Would he ever forgive her?

Slowly walking down the hallway, she was thinking that she would have Jane sleep in the big bed with her. As she passed an open door, she briefly caught sight of what was inside. She stopped and went in, almost breaking into tears again at the sight of a fully decorated nursery. There was a crib and a changing table, a rocker in the corner and lightly color walls with little bears as a border.

He must have worked on this while she was gone. He must’ve spent hours in here, slaving away for a baby that wasn’t his. It was probably a project that kept him from worrying about her. He had done it for her, not expecting her betrayal. She felt even worse, not knowing where he was or how he felt. He probably felt betrayed, sad, angry, revengeful, and stupid. She wanted to punch herself for letting a good man like him be hurt like this.

She set Jane down in the crib, backing away and going into her bedroom to attempt to get some sleep.

~*~

She rolled over and looked at the small bedside clock, wishing that what she had just remembered was a dream. Maybe it never happened. Could it have been one long, horrible nightmare?

Not finding him next to her, she knew it was real. She had told him the truth about Jane and he left without another word. Thinking about Jane, she got out of bed and slowly made her way towards the nursery.

She was shocked to find him standing by the edge of the crib, staring down at Jane. Thinking this would be an opportunity to explain, she said the first thing that came to mind.

“I’m sorry.”

He turned around; his eyes were red like he had been crying. There were so many conflicting emotions going through him that he didn’t know what to do. He finally let one out and asked her simply.

“Why?”

“It was a mistake.” It pained him to hear her say that the darling little girl was a mistake. She wasn’t supposed to happen. “I went over to his house after our fight for some stupid reason… We were drunk… and I was mad at you…” She conceded, not daring to look at him. She didn’t want to see him in any more pain. “I’m so sorry.”

“When did you know?” He asked the next question on his mind, trying to fight off tears. He didn’t want to be angry with her. She really didn’t do wrong if they were drunk. She wasn’t herself and he knew she didn’t mean it.

“I wasn’t sure until my last doctors appointment. They did a paternity test… and… I never meant for it to happen, you have to believe me.” She pleaded, walking across the room to stand in front of him. He nodded simply, not telling her what he was thinking.

“I’m sorry.” He told her, “for making you mad. It’s my fault.” When it came right down to it, he didn’t really care Jane wasn’t his. It didn’t really matter. He loved her mother and her and, even though she wasn’t his flesh and blood, knew he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he let either one go.

“I love you.” She said, and he took her hands in his. He bent down slightly and kissed her, forgiving her. He wrapped his arms around her, glad to have her back and never wanting to let go again.

“I love you too Sydney.”


{End}