From Russia with Love

Author: Janet (SkyGirl5)

Genre: S/V, AU

Summary: Just another one of Eric's crazy ideas might have more ramifications than he realizes. Upon finding out that his roommate ordering a "mail order bride", Michael Vaughn is naturally horrified. Though he is completely against the idea at first, he soon realizes it might not be so bad after all...

Disclaimer: Sydney, Vaughn, etc are properties of JJ Abrams and ABC.

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Chapters 1 - 16

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Chapter 1

“Hey Mike! Mike! Guess what?!” Eric Weiss exclaimed excitedly as he bounded into the two-bedroom apartment he shared with his best friend Michael Vaughn. Eric hurried towards the back of their shared abode, discarding shoes, a jacket, and keys on his way. He found Michael sitting at the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal, reading a newspaper. “Guess what Mike?!”

“What?” Michael responded in an uncaring mumble.

“I bought a wife!” Eric exclaimed proudly.

With this most unusual comment, Michael put down the spoon he was eating with, swallowed, and looked up at his rotund friend. He was not even sure that he wanted to know what Eric meant by that. “You bought a wife?” Michael asked in an even tone. A dorky grin spread across Eric’s face as he nodded. “Like…the kind with a plastic valve you stick an air pump into?”

Eric gave his friend an annoyed look. “No like a real one – from Russia!”

With this, Michael began to grow concerned. Surely…No, no Eric would not be [i]that[/i] stupid, would he? Then again, if their nine year friendship had taught him one thing it was that sometimes Eric’s stupidity was boundless. “What?!?”

Eric walked over to the fridge, pulled out a bear and cracked it open before beginning his tale. “Okay, you know how I was going to sign up at that speed dating place? Well, I got there and it sounded really stupid, so I went to leave and this guy with an accent pulled me aside and said I was the kind of gentlemen who needed a nice good wife who would clean and cook for me and stuff. He called me a gentlemen!” Eric said with an almost giggle. “So anyway, he told me about his sister who was stuck back in Russia, but wanted to come to the US and find a husband so I bought a wife! She comes in three weeks,” he beamed.

Michael blinked. His story was too elaborate and insane to be made up which meant only one thing. “Oh my god, Eric! You bought a wife!!!” he exclaimed with horror.

“Duh! I just told you that!” he responded.

“ERIC!” Michael continued with a screech. “You bought a person! That’s…that’s- that’s slavery! Not to mention illegal!”

“It’s not slavery! She wants to come!”

“Oh yeah I’m sure,” Michael muttered. “This is just…this I the worst thing you’ve ever done Eric!” Michael scolded him. Which really was saying something. Over the years, Eric’s harebrained ides had ranged from playing pranks on college professors to investing in an ostrich farm. Most of his schemes walked a very thin line of legality but thus far he had not ever broken a law or faced serious consequences. Well, there was that one time he spent the night in jail after spray painting a penis on the Dean’s front door, but he got off with a strong warning and some community service. This surely broke a few laws if not some international statues as well.

“No, it’s not,” Eric defended sounded rather offended and hurt. “How do you know she doesn’t have it real bad in Russia living in an igloo or whatever the hell they live? She could be miserable and I’m giving her a better life!”

“How do you know this guy even has a sister?” Michael countered, folding his arms over his chest.

“He does!” Eric insisted though he did not sound very certain. “He said he did!”

“Eric, he’s a scam artist-”

“But he had an accent!” he insisted, as though that was indisputable proof Viktor had not been lying to him.

“So do most of the actors in Hollywood! God, Eric, how much did you pay him anyway?!” Michael asked with an exasperated sigh, hoping it was not [i]too[/i] much. When Eric mumbled a sum, Michael nearly had a stroke. “Ten thousand dollars?! You paid a stranger ten [i]thousand[/i] dollars?! Jesus Christ Eric! How stupid could you be?! Meanwhile, where the [i]hell[/i] did you even get ten thousand dollars?!”

“I dunno,” Eric said stupidly as he shrugged. “It was in my bank account… I don’t even know how it got there, but that’s how much the guy said the down payment was.”

“D-Down payment?!” Michael stammered, hardly believing there could be [i]more[/i].

Eric nodded. “When he brings my wife, I need to give him five thousand more…which, by the way, can I borrow five thousand dollars?” he asked sheepishly.

“Eric you just…you…you shouldn’t…,” Michael stammered on, hardly able to form words in his agitated state. Finally, he settled for giving Eric a very disapproving look before picking up his wallet and keys and heading towards the front door; he needed to get some fresh air away from his irresponsible roommate.

Nine years earlier, Michael had been introduced to Eric Weiss his very first day as a freshmen at Ohio State University. Eric, who was two years older but only one grade ahead of Michael, was his Resident Advisor. Given that this was a position of some authority, Michael expected Eric to be at least moderately responsible. He could not have been more wrong; Eric was the worst RA on the planet.

Despite the fact that his freshmen year was an eye opening experience, Michael and Eric somehow managed to become friends though this was mostly because Michael was essentially the only person on their floor who even spoke to Eric. Unsurprisingly, Eric was asked not to be an RA the following year, so he and Michael roomed together and they had been doing so ever since.

Michael, a straight A student by nature, hoped that he would be able to rub off on Eric and encourage him to follow a more straight-laced path or, at the very least, one not leading towards incarceration. In part, he was a help, though that was mostly because he was doing Eric’s homework instead of helping him with it. Somehow, though, they made it through their undergrad years with their friendship still intact and decided that sharing an apartment was the most economical way to spend their twenties.

In those five years since graduation, Eric had his fair share of different jobs, most of which he was fired from, while Michael continued steadily up the corporate ladder. Naturally, this meant that Michael was paying seventy-five percent of their rent instead of fifty and buying ninety percent of their food. Of course, Eric did purchase all of their alcohol, but considering Michael only drank one beer for every ten Eric did, that was only fair.

Despite the fact that their arrangement was somewhat uneven, Michael did not mind. In high school since he was categorized as a dork, he did not have very many friends. He knew, however, that Eric would be his friend to the bitter end. Unfortunately, he was not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, especially when he was staring down the business end of an international lawsuit should Eric’s Russian bride show up on their doorstep. The last thing he needed was to be charged with aiding and abeding an illegal alien.

Though Michael considered Eric to be a brother, he did grow tired of cleaning up the scattered messes he left behind. He certainly was not looking forward to cleaning up this newest fiasco, either. More than anything he wished Eric, who at thirty was not growing any younger, would just grow up and take responsibility for his own actions. Sadly, he knew that would never happen.

Chapter 2

After an hour long walk, Michael felt sufficiently cooled off to return to his and Eric’s apartment. When he did, he found Eric sitting on the couch, beer in hand, chip bag beside him as he watched the latest Mets game on TV. He glanced up tentatively when Michael walked into the sitting area. “This is good for me Mike; you’ll see,” Eric told him firmly.

“Eric,” Michael practically growled, angry that Eric still had not seen the light. “This could never be good. First, this guy probably conned you into giving him ten thousand dollars and you’ll never see him again. Then, if by some chance he was not actually lying about bringing you a wife, you still can’t pay him the five thousand dollars you owe him. Finally, even if you managed to come up with that, you cannot possibly have a wife Eric!”

“Why not?!” Eric challenged.

“Because you’re [i]Eric[/i]! You’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than three months. You hate monogamy. You’re going to end up marrying her so she’ll cook you food and do your laundry and she’ll probably be happy to do that because she won’t speak a word of English and you’ll be out at night bringing girls home and that’s just cruel Eric.”

“How do you know I can’t be married?!” Eric asked. “I can to do it! You’ll see,” he said defiantly.

“Whatever,” Michael exhaled under his breath before disappearing into his bedroom.

As he sorted a few weeks worth of laundry out of the bottom of his closet, Michael came to a rather horrifying realization. While Eric was not the sharpest tool in the shed, he was not a complete idiot (despite what some of his actions would argue other wise). If this stranger was trying to con him into giving up ten thousand dollars – a significant sum of money – he would have had to be pretty convincing. Thus, it was probable that Eric gave the strange Russian man his address so he could “deliver” his bride. If that was true, the con man had access to Michael’s address as well.

Horrified at the potential for damage and loss to his personal belongings, Michael grabbed a duffle bag from his closet. He was being proactive about the situation just incase a criminal with a fake Russian accent decided to rob them.

Quickly, he went around his room snatching up his laptop, watches, and anything else valuable to him or a thief. Then, he headed out the door with the bag over his shoulder without saying goodbye to Eric. One of the benefits of living just fifteen minutes away from his parents was that he could always stop over there if he needed something or they needed something from him. Of course, this came with the downside of his mother’s occasional smothering but it was an even trade most of the time.

“Michael…this is unexpected. What brings you around these parts?” Bill Vaughn asked his son, glancing up only briefly from the grill he was manning.

“I need to store some stuff here for a while,” Michael told him, gesturing towards the bag over his shoulder. “Is that okay?”

“Sure,” Bill said with a casual shrug. “Mind if I ask what you’re storing?”

“Just my laptop and watches and stuff…”

Bill gave his son a longer, more curious look. “Your laptop and your watches? Don’t you…need those?”

Michael gave a heavy sigh and placed his bag gently down on the patio. “Well, Eric-”

“Oh dear…” Bill interjected preemptively.

“Yeah,” Michael growled. “[i]Apparently[/i] he found some guy who was claiming to sell him a Russian bride, so he paid the guy ten thousand dollars to bring his sister over so Eric could marry her…and I’m just afraid that this guy won’t settle for stealing ten thousand dollars of Eric’s money and he’ll break into our apartment too.”

“Wait a second – Eric bought a Russian bride?!” Bill asked with extreme disbelief.

“Yeah… could he get in serious legal trouble by doing that? I mean, isn’t that incredibly illegal?” Michael asked. For as long as Michael could remember, his father had worked for the United States Government in various positions, linguistics among them. Up until six months earlier, that was, when he took early retirement at the age of sixty-two. Thus, if Michael had any governmental or legal questions, he asked his father, even though more times than not Bill didn’t know the answer.

“Believe it or not, some mail order brides as they’re called are legal. Something tells me though that someone Eric found might not be selling the real deal,” Bill pointed out.

“Well, that doesn’t matter… I mean, don’t you think the guy was just a con artist asking for ten thousand dollars?” Michael questioned.

Bill gave a non committal shrug. “I don’t know Michael. It’s possible he was…but shouldn’t you just assume that this guy is a con artist. For one second, assume that he was really selling Eric a bride….that means in a little while some Russian woman is going to turn up on your doorstep thinking Eric is her husband.”

“Oh god,” Michael groaned inwardly. “Eric doesn’t speak Russian… Eric barely speaks English!!!”

“Well I suppose I could be of some assistance…” Bill offered, rubbing his chin. “I mean, I do have free time now and I do speak Russian.”

“Dad,” Michael began in a gravely serious tone. “Last week Eric was writing a report for work and he asked me how many n’s were in ‘gonna’ – that’s not even a word!! There is no way he could learn Russian!”

Bill chuckled inwardly. “Well I can’t really argue with you about Eric’s learning capacity…but what about you? You live there, right? So if she shows up [i]someone[/i] will have to communicate with her.”

“Oh I don’t know Dad,” Michael whined. “I don’t want to participate in this insanity…”

“And it would kill you to learn another language? Broaden your horizons? Better yourself?” Bill challenged.

“But its not just another language like Spanish – it has a whole new alphabet!!” he insisted.

“Now who sounds dumb?” Bill laughed.

“Fine,” Michael pouted in a very four-year-old like tone. “I learn to speak it but I’m not reading anything!”

“Deal,” Bill laughed again.

Chapter 3

For the next week, Michael and Eric avoided each other at all costs. Their apartment was full of constant tension between them. There was no way Michael would ever believe the con artist who took ten thousand dollars of Eric’s money would ever come through with a Russian bride. And, even if he did, the situation was so terrible Michael could hardly believe it was happening. On the other hand, Eric could not understand why his friend of nearly a decade was not being supportive of what he believed to be an adult decision.

Finally, a week after that fateful day Eric dealt out ten thousand dollars for a person he would probably never meet, there was a new development. As Michael was making his way from his bedroom to the closet holding the washer and dryer in their apartment, Eric’s cell phone rang. Naturally, he ignored it since he was ignoring everything Eric-related those days. However, when Eric answered the phone, something in his conversation piqued Michael’s interest so much, he could not help but eavesdrop.

Apparently, Eric’s Russian business associate was calling to arrange a time to deliver the “package” Eric had ordered. The sound of Eric near giggles at a human called a “package” made Michael want to gag; however, he could not deny this development. If he was a criminal who had just stolen ten thousand dollars worth of someone’s money (which was a very large hypothetical stretch for Michael to ponder) he would have never called his victim again, especially if he never planned on following through with whatever fake promise he previously conjured. He would have been in the next state living it up. It appeared, though that [i]Viktor[/i] was not doing that at all. Could this have meant he was actually going to be producing a woman from another country to be Eric’s bride? Michael was still skeptical, but he could not deny that the likelihood of this had increased significantly with Viktor’s second contact.

“Well that was Viktor – you know, the guy whose sister is going to be my wife,” Eric informed his roommate loudly after he hung up the phone. “His sister – Sydney – is going to be here a week from Thursday and then you’ll see that I’ve been right all along and I’ll be expecting an apology.”

“Eric,” Michael began in a serious tone. “Even if that guy shows up here with his sister – which I’m still doubtful that he will, but even if he does you are still insane because you [i]bought a wife[/i]. How do you know this girl isn’t working for Viktor and she’s going to steal all our money?! How do you know she’s not a crazy person who isn’t going to stab you to death in the middle of the night?! She’s someone you’ve never met before who probably doesn’t speak – hell, [i]understand[/i] – English and you’re just gonna what?! Let her sleep in your bed and have sex with her?!”

With these new issues, Eric actually began to look concerned. “She’s…she’s not going to be [i]working[/i] for Viktor…”

“How do you know?!” Michael challenged.

“Because he’ll already have fifteen thousand dollars worth of my money – what else would I have left!?” Eric asked rhetorically. At this Michael gave a conceding nod. That was true; Eric would have nothing. Unfortunately, [i]he[/i] still had belongings that could be sold on the black market. “And besides,” Eric continued, “she’ll speak English…”

“Wanna bet?” Michael responded with a mean snip of sarcasm.

“Even if she doesn’t we’ll…we’ll be fine. It’ll be great.”

“Whatever you say Eric,” Michael rolled his eyes slightly before turning his attention back to his laundry.

“It will be great! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the bank and try to get a loan for five thousand dollars.”

“Good luck!” Michael called out to him in a cursory bordering on sarcastic tone. In Michael’s opinion, if Eric actually thought any bank would loan him five thousand dollars he certainly had another thing coming. For starters, Eric was not the type of individual who paid his bills on time or even by the first notice. Thus, his credit was most likely very poor. Not to mention the fact that thanks to his earlier ten thousand dollar payout he had absolutely no collateral. Simply put he was screwed.

As Michael continued to do his laundry and the weekly vacuuming of their apartment, he actually began to feel the slightest bit bad for Eric and whatever poor Russian woman who possibly would be showing up on their doorstep. If Viktor showed up with his “sister” and Eric did not have the five thousand dollars, Michael feared what would happen. Surely, the Russian woman would not stay with them and become Eric’s wife, but would he lash out at Eric in a – heaven forbid – violent way for breaking their agreement? Michael shivered at the though. At the very least Eric would be out ten thousand dollars and have no bride to show for it. Then again, that was not necessarily a bad thing – for the bride.

Another issue came across Michael’s mind as he was tidying up. If, in an extreme theoretical situation, Eric did manage to come up with five thousand dollars and did end up having a Russian bride, what would he do in that situation? Surely he could not live in the same apartment with Eric and Eric’s wife (a term that he used in the loosest sense of the word possible). If Eric and this woman were going to act like a married couple in the traditional sense there was no way Michael could stand to be around that. It was bad enough he had to be around when Eric brought dates home on occasion. Having it every day of the week would be unbearable.

Just an hour after he left, Eric returned looking glummer than usual. Of course, this did not surprise Michael, but he could not help himself from asking how things went at the bank.

“Terrible,” Eric sighed heavily. “They won’t loan me any money… now I don’t know what I’m going to do. I could sell my car…but then I couldn’t get to work! How am I supposed to get five thousand dollars in ten days?!”

“Your parents?” Michael suggested.

“Nah…I still haven’t paid them back from the last time they loaned me money,” Eric sighed sadly.

Knowing he would eventually regret his decision yet doing it anyway, Michael sighed, “I’ll tell you what Eric, if Viktor actually shows up here in ten days with a Russian girl for you to marry and she agrees to marry you, I’ll give you the five thousand dollars.”

“You will?!” Eric asked, his face lighting up.

“Yep,” Michael said.

“Thanks Mike!” Eric said happily. Then, he disappeared into his room, grin across his face. Michael could not help but shake his head. Though five thousand dollars was a lot of money, something told him that the amusement he would get from the situation alone would be worth it.

Chapter 4

Keeping with the fact that it seemed they really would be getting a Russian houseguest in ten days, Michael decided it would be best to take his father up on his offer to teach him some basic Russian. Every day after work for that next week, he went to straight to his parents. While eating dinner, his father went over the language basics or tried to anyway. At the age of almost twenty-seven he was not very apt to learning languages quickly. Either that or he severely lacked the dedication, which was the more likely of the scenarios.

On Saturday, six training sessions later, Bill had prepared a written quiz for his son to test the knowledge he had gained over the previous week. When Michael received this sheet of paper he looked at his father as though he had lost his mind, but Bill was quite serious. Grumbling and grunting, Michael picked up a pencil and attempted the exam, which he failed miserably.

More frustrated than ever, Michael was forced by his father to buckle down and learn the phrases Bill deemed most important. Bill wisely informed him that he needed to be prepared for a worst case scenario – that Eric’s new “wife” would speak no English at all. If that was the case, Michael would have to be able to say rudimentary things to her, lest she burn their apartment down or do something else drastic. Of course, this notion only infuriated Michael once again at Eric’s responsibility, but he did manage to grasp the concept of saying hello and directing someone to the bathroom.

After he buckled down, Michael found that learning the things his father wanted him to know was not actually all that hard. True, it was harder than learning a language that used characters similar to English, but it was not impossible. Still, he hoped more than anything Eric’s wife spoke at least some English. He was not, however, naïve enough to thing she would be fluent; that was too idyllic to hope for.

~*~

“It’s today Mike! She comes today!” Eric said as he danced around their kitchen. It was seven thirty in the morning and [i]far[/i] too early for anyone to be as energetic as Eric was in Michael’s opinion. Then again, it was truly shocking Eric was even able to walk at that hour. Usually, Michael had to drag him out of bed at eight as he was walking out the door and Eric was still barely conscious.

“Yeah, yeah,” Michael grumbled groggily. It was certainly going to be an interesting day, however at that early hour he was just a bit too exhausted to think about it.

As the day progressed, Michael began to grow progressively more anxious about that evening when Eric’s “delivery” would be arriving. He was concerned for many things, least of which the fact that he thought the police may have needed to be on standby. He managed to calm himself down, though, by reminding himself if worst came to worst he would simply lock himself in his bedroom and let Eric deal with the whole thing. After all, it was all Eric’s mess.

When Michael arrived home from work, Eric was pacing the floors, clearly waiting for seven p.m. to arrive even if it was a few hours away. Shaking his head slightly, Michael walked passed his crazy roommate and back towards his bedroom to change out of his suit.

“I have seriously never been this nervous in my life!” Eric proclaimed as he hovered outside Michael’s bedroom door.

“No kidding,” Michael commented.

“What am I gonna do if she’s ugly, Mike?! Do you think there is some kind of Russian bride exchange program where I can trade her in for someone hotter?!” Eric questioned.

Fully changed, Michael whipped the door open and merely stared blankly at his moronic friend. “I don’t think so Eric.”

“But the whole point of this was to get a hot wife!”

“You probably should have thought of that before hand,” Michael told him simply. All the while he was trying not to burst out laughing at the mental image of a hideously ugly, overweight Russian woman with a beard on their doorstep and Eric beginning to cry.

Eric came up with so many potential catastrophic situations, Michael could hardly eat his dinner. He was just about ready to punch Eric out just to get some peace when there was a knock at the door. At that point, Eric began jumping around and squealing like a little girl as he hurried towards the front door. Michael grabbed the envelope containing five thousand dollars and followed him, ready for some pure entertainment.

When Eric opened the door, Michael’s view was partially obstructed by Eric’s large frame. He could, however, see a large man with a black cap standing in the doorway who he prayed was Viktor and not a frightening Russian thug. After a few moments of conversation, the strange man stepped inside and pulled with him a very pale, very terrified looking woman.

Michael’s first thought upon seeing the girl who was (unluckily for her) Eric’s new wife to be was that at least she wasn’t hideous with facial hair. She definitely was not ugly, but it was difficult to tell just how pretty she was since her long dark brown hair was covering most of her face. She also looked like without a doubt the most terrified person Michael had ever seen in his life.

“Do you have the money?” Viktor asked Eric.

“Um…,” Eric hedged, glancing over to Michael. Silently, Michael passed over the envelope and Eric took it before giving it to Viktor.

Viktor counted the money before stepping back outside the door briefly and retrieving a large, rather battered piece of luggage that was obviously very full of what presumably were the Russian woman’s belongings. “That is all,” Viktor said before walking towards the door again, obviously going to leave.

“Wait that’s it?!” Michael called out. Viktor didn’t even turn around; he simply hurried off into the night. Once he was gone, Michael turned to Eric and glared. This was all his fault.

Apparently, at the sight of his new wife-to-be, Eric had forgotten about the rest of the world; he was too busy staring at her as she stared back at him. Though, clearly, they were not staring for the same reasons. “Eric!” Michael hissed finally, calling him back to the real world. Eric didn’t respond.

Frustrated, Michael turned to the strange woman now left for them to deal with. “You’re…Sydney, right?” Michael asked, trying to recall the name Eric had been scrawling all over the newspaper crossword as though he was a love sick seventh grader. At the mention of this name, the timid woman turned her eyes to Michael. “Do you…understand English?” he asked hopefully. “Any English? Anything I’m saying?” The strange woman blinked and took a half step back from him, a clear indication she had no idea. Now infuriated, Michael grabbed Eric’s arm and dragged him back into the kitchen. “Eric! Snap outta it!!” he insisted.

“She’s pretty Mike! Do you see how pretty she is?! And tall too! She’s as tall as me! And she’s not fat at all! This is GREAT!” he exclaimed.

“Um yeah except she [i]doesn’t speak a word of English!!!!![/i]” Michael emphasized.

“So we’ll work on it,” Eric shrugged casually. Then, he went back in the other room to see Sydney leaving Michael behind, knowing it was going to be a very long evening and rest of his life.

Chapter 5

Returning to the entryway of their apartment, Michael and Eric found Sydney, the mysterious Russian woman now in their possession, still standing frozen by the door looking nothing if not more terrified than before. Eric, having gained some of his senses back, approached her. “Hi!” he said enthusiastically. She looked towards him, her eyes widening. “Welcome to America!” he said, enunciating each syllable. “You are really hot!”

“Eric!” Michael groaned. He stepped up beside his idiot friend, took a deep breath, and cleared his throat. Very carefully, using the knowledge imparted to him by his father, Michael welcomed Sydney to their home in Russian. For the first time, her face relaxed ever so slightly. She began speaking rapidly in her native tongue at a pace Michael had no hopes of translating even if he did know what words she was using (which he did not).

Waving his arms and calling out her name, he managed to gain her attention enough to stop her speech. Then, he said to her the only real Russian sentence he knew: I speak very little Russian. Naturally, this caused Sydney’s face to fall back to one of worry.

“That’s it – I’m calling my father,” Michael groaned to Eric. Quickly, he reached for the phone and called his father. After telling him that there was something he really needed his help with, Michael hung up. Then, he turned around to find Eric touching Sydney’s arm as though a child would reach out to a rare, delicate toy. “Eric!” Michael snapped, knowing touching Sydney would only upset her more.

“What?” he practically whined. “I can’t speak Russian like you; I have to use other means of communication like the language of love.”

Michael groaned inwardly. “Don’t make me throw up on you.” He then turned to Sydney and ushered her towards the couch. Luckily, she understood his gestures and followed him. Eric sat down beside her a little too close in Michael’s opinion, while Michael favored a chair across the room. The three of them sat relatively in silence with Eric still drooling over his “wife” and Sydney looking terrified of him. Finally, there was another knock at the door and Michael practically ran towards it.

“Dad thank god!” he proclaimed when his father ducked inside the apartment.

“Well I presume she’s here?” Bill questioned. Michael gave a half grimace, half angry look before directing him towards the sitting area. Bill nodded and walked over to the timid looking girl.

Once Michael’s father was speaking fluent Russian with her, Sydney notably relaxed. It was obvious they were carrying on a very serious conversation, for Bill did not look away from Sydney for one moment. Finally, after about ten minutes of back and forth speaking, Bill turned to his son and ushered him into the kitchen. “SO?!” Michael asked anxiously.

“This…is complicated,” Bill sighed heavily.

“Damnit I knew it! I’m gonna [i]kill[/i] Eric!” Michael growled.

“Well, yes, Eric is partly to blame but…but this girl she’s…well, she told me that she’s twenty-one years old and ran away from home when she was eighteen. She’s been working to support herself but never could pay her rent on time, so her landlord got angry with her and gave her to a man named Viktor who brought her here to be Eric’s wife except she doesn’t exactly know that,” Bill said.

Michael’s brow wrinkled. “What do you mean?”

“Well she knows she’s supposed to be someone’s wife but doesn’t know if it’s you or Eric. By the way – she likes you better,” he pointed out with an almost laugh.

“Well I’d like me better too considering Eric’s [i]drooling[/i] on her,” Michael said.

“Right…well, she definitely doesn’t speak any English, so that is a problem-”

“YA THINK?!” Michael interjected.

“Also, I don’t really think she fully grasps the definition of the word ‘wife’…” Bill said cautiously. Michael raised a curious eyebrow to his father. “Well… I think she’s confusing ‘wife’ with ‘maid.’”

“Well that’s better than ‘wife’ with ‘sex slave,’” Michael pointed out.

“Obviously,” Bill commented.

“Well that’s not a problem… I mean, there was [i]no[/i] way I was gonna let Eric take this girl right to city hall tomorrow and get married. I would have stolen his car keys or locked him in the bathroom long before that ever happened.”

“Good to know, son,” he chuckled.

Before their conversation could continue, Eric walked in the kitchen asking, “What are you guys doing?! Sydney’s in there trying to ask me stuff in Russian and I don’t understand her!”

“Shocker,” Michael muttered. Eric gave him a look.

“I’ll handle it,” Bill sighed before leaving the kitchen. When Eric went to follow, Michael grabbed his arm and held him back. He explained to Eric what his father had said – how Sydney did not know who was to be her husband and how she did not speak English or fully grasp the term “wife”. Eric, however, seemed not to take in these details.

“It’s gonna be great Mike! I’ll just tell her that [i]I’m[/i] her husband and she has to do her what I tell her to do,” Eric said simply.

Michael sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Once again Eric – mail order bride…slave – [i]not[/i] the same thing!”

“I know that,” Eric rolled his eyes dramatically. “I’m not gonna make her have sex with me – I’m just gonna make her clean and stuff!” With that, he left the kitchen, leaving Michael behind shaking his head and wondering why he even bothered.

“Well I think I’ve managed to smooth things out here,” Bill said when he was through talking with Sydney fifteen minutes later. “I told her that I was going to help her learn English by coming over here while you two are at work.”

“Oh you don’t have to do that,” Eric told him quickly.

“How else do you plan to communicate with her Eric? Wanna learn Russian?” Michael challenged. Eric shrank slightly.

“I don’t mind it, really,” Bill assured them. “Actually it will be rather good. I’m bored out of my mind and I think I’m driving your mother nuts being home all the time.”

“You probably are,” Michael pointed out with a soft laugh.

“Yes well… anyway, I suppose I could take her off your hands until she’s a bit more acclimated. Of course, I’d have to run that by your mother, but I think she’d go for it,” Bill said.

“What do you mean?” Eric asked.

“Well, Eric, she doesn’t understand English… imagine if you went into a household where everyone around you was speaking Russian, what would you do?” Bill questioned.

“I’d freak out! That would suck!” Eric insisted. Bill and Michael gave him pointed looks. It took him a moment until finally he went, “Oh…”

“Right,” Bill continued. “At this point she’s probably terrified and I’m the only one she can talk to unless she wants to say ‘water’ and ‘bathroom’ all day long,” he said towards Michael, who blushed ever so slightly.

“So what do we do now?” Eric asked.

Bill laughed inwardly and clapped his son on the shoulder. “Enjoy your night,” he said in a tone that made it clear he was mocking them. Then, he made his way towards the exit promising that he would talk to his wife about the Sydney situation and get back to them as soon as possible.

“I hope you’re enjoying you’re little plan now Eric,” Michael commented once his father was gone. Eric, however, did not even seem to hear this; he went right back to staring at Sydney, who continued to look very uncomfortable.

Chapter 6

When Bill informed his wife of the situation regarding the new Russian entry into Michael’s and Eric’s lives, she jumped onboard immediately with the idea of taking Sydney into their home and helping her learn English. Of course, Amelia could not have spoken a logical Russian sentence to save her life; however, she was willing to assist in any way she could mostly out of pity for the life Sydney must have lead back in Russia.

Bill called his son to tell him that the switch would take place the following day. After Michael and Eric left for work he would simply go over to their apartment and use the key Michael had given him for emergencies. Then, he would take Sydney back home with him where she would stay in Michael’s former bedroom while they sorted the situation out.

Both father and son agreed that Sydney could not return to the apartment until she had at least a working knowledge of English. There was no way any of them could survive on large gestures and frantic pointing. A few hours on the night she arrived was more than enough. It took them twenty minutes to show her the bathroom and about an hour to explain she would be sleeping on the couch. Though Eric was having a blast, Michael was just about ready to shoot someone or himself, which ever was easier.

Naturally, Eric was not a huge fan of the Vaughn’s plan. He wanted Sydney to be around them at all times regardless of whether or not they could communicate with each other even the littlest bit. This concept blew Michael’s mind for a plethora of reasons. First, Eric was already thinking of Sydney as his wife, which in Michael’s mind was utter insanity. Sydney was not even close to anything resembling Eric’s wife so it befuddled him that he would think that way. Then again, Eric was Eric and his thinking patterns did not always (or ever) follow the norm.

Another reason why Michael could not understand why Eric wanted Sydney around them constantly in her present non-English speaking state was the frustration he felt simply trying to show her that she needed to sleep on the couch. It was absolutely absurdly difficult to communicate something to someone who did not speak one syllable of the English language. This, of course, was not the most groundbreaking realization in the world. Actually, it was rather obvious. What was not obvious, however, was how much fun Eric seemed to be getting out of watching Michael pretend to sleep on the couch and point at Sydney to do the same. Something told him, though, that if he had not been there and Eric was the one pointing frantically he would not have been so amused.

On Friday morning when Michael awoke he tip-toed out of his bedroom only to find Sydney completely asleep on her back and snoring at a rather amusingly loud decibel. He snuck into the bathroom as quietly as possible to shower and get ready for the work day all the while laughing to himself at the “package” Eric had purchased for fifteen thousand dollars.

When he emerged from the bathroom he spotted Eric hovering over Sydney’s sleeping figure, goofy grin across his face. Disgusted and annoyed, Michael threw a balled up pair of socks at Eric to get him to stop without a verbal lashing. Obviously miffed, Eric sunk into the bathroom himself leaving Michael with an ‘I told you so’ on his mind regarding Eric’s readiness (or lack there of) for a wife.

All morning while he was trying to work, Michael’s thoughts kept drifting back to Sydney. He just could not help but be concerned for her especially since she was wrenched from her home and taken to a strange country where no one spoke the same language she did. Well, almost know one. He did know, however, that his parents would take good care of her and at the very least she would be able to communicate with his father.

At lunch, he called his father to check on the situation and found that everything was going as well as could be expected. Mostly, Bill spent the morning walking Sydney around the house and telling her the English words for common items. Then, he had made her lunch, so nothing very exciting had happened. Knowing he would want to know, Michael relayed this information to Eric who seemed happy that Sydney was at least adjusting well.

When Michael returned home from work that evening, he found Eric seated on the couch hugging the pillow Sydney slept on the previous evening. The sight of this alone caused him to nearly gag. “Eric you’re pathetic!” he insisted.

“I am not,” Eric returned, still hugging the pillow. “I just miss Sydney, alright?”

“Miss her?! You [i]miss her[/i]?! Eric, you didn’t even speak to her! She didn’t speak to you! There was no communication at all so how could you possibly MISS HER?!” he demanded.

“She’s my wife okay! I should miss my wife!”

“For the millionth time,” Michael sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “She is not now nor was she ever your wife. You have not had a legal marriage ceremony. You haven’t even spoken to her! She cannot be your wife!”

“I don’t understand why you’re being so negative about this. Why can’t you be happy for me, Michael?” Eric asked in a hurt tone, finally putting Sydney’s pillow aside.

“Because you’re being delusional,” Michael said simply. “You just cooked up this insane idea, ‘Oh I’ll buy a wife!’ and now you’re just running with it. I really don’t think you fully grasp what’s going on here Eric. Do you even have a plan?”

“Of course,” he said in a proud tone. “Sydney and I are going to get married. I’m going to go to work and she’s going to stay home and clean the apartment and cook dinner and do my laundry. There – a plan.”

“Except you can’t afford to do that Eric,” Michael reminded him. “You’re only paying half the rent on this apartment. If I move out, you have to pay it all plus food for yourself and Sydney and you have to support her in every other way too – clothes, medical bills, a car, et cetera…”

“Wait,” Eric said, his face falling, “you’re moving out?!”

Michael shrugged slightly. “I don’t know yet, Eric, but I really don’t want to live here with you and your wife.”

“But Sydney will do your laundry too! And you can eat the dinner she makes!” Eric insisted as though those were perfect reasons for Michael to stay.

“We’ll see,” Michael said simply. Then, he disappeared into his bedroom, having enough of Eric’s insanity for one day.

Chapter 7

Since Michael was busy doing his usual Saturday routine of running errands, grocery shopping, cleaning and laundry, he did not have time to go and visit his parents until Sunday afternoon. Michael invited Eric along with him despite the fact that he knew Eric would probably spend their entire visit staring at Sydney like a baboon. However, he was taking the high road and being a nice friend. As it turned out, though, Eric did not wish to go with him stating that it would hurt too much to only be able to see Sydney for one hour. Resisting the urge to punch his roommate, Michael left by himself.

At his parents’ residence, his mother opened the door and ushered him inside excitedly. He followed her into the living room where Sydney was seated on the couch reading a magazine (though Michael suspected she was just looking at the pictures since it was printed in English). When she spotted him, though, she put the magazine aside and stood up, a soft smile on her face. Michael waved to her and she mimicked his action.

“Sydney…,” Bill said in an almost leading tone.

She glanced over to him and nodded, obviously taking this as a command. Then, she turned to Michael and said, “Hello Michael,” in a very drawn out, heavily accented tone.

“Hello,” Michael returned with a laugh.

“That’s about all she can say and I don’t even think she knows what it means,” Bill admitted with a slight chuckle.

“Well its better than nothing,” Michael pointed out with a smile.

“You didn’t bring Eric with you?” Michael’s mother questioned as they took seats on the couch.

Michael shook his head. “No, Eric didn’t want to come. He said something about how it would be too upsetting to just see Sydney for an hour and no longer or something…I’m not really sure; I’m barely listening to him these days. He’s being insane.”

“Well he does seem awfully attached to her for spending less than twelve hours in her presence,” Bill pointed out with slight caution.

“Um yeah…should we be talking about her when she’s right here?” Michael asked, his voice lowered significantly while he glanced cautiously between his father and Sydney.

Bill merely shrugged. “She can’t understand anything we’re saying…plus its not like we’re saying bad things about her. Besides, emerging herself in the language is the only way she’s going to learn.”

“Or get so frustrated she throws herself out a window,” Michael commented though he was being slightly sarcastic.

“Let’s hope that doesn’t happen,” Bill winked.

“So is Eric still going through with this whole… marriage thing once Sydney learns enough English to communicate with him?” Amelia questioned.

“It seems that way,” Michael said with a heavy sigh. He just could not understand it; not one bit. While he could understand the need for companionship and the ultimate desire for a person to share one’s life with that did not in any way, shape, or form involve marrying someone he had not yet met. In his mind, his future wife was someone he would meet, grow to know over a series of weeks and months until he eventually decided or realize that person was the one he wanted to share his life with. What Eric was planning on doing was just plain ridiculous not to mention a recipe for disaster.

Glancing over to Sydney who had gone back to staring at a magazine, obviously not able to participate in the conversation, Michael could not help but feel sad. “I feel bad for her,” he told his parents softly. “I mean, [i]Eric[/i] is going to be her husband…well, actually, it’s more like she’s going to be Eric’s slave.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit cynical?” his mother cautioned. “Eric might really care for her.”

“No,” Michael corrected, “Eric wants the idea of her, but I don’t really think Eric grasps the whole situation – especially not financially. I think this is all going to blow up in his face sooner or later and… and I’m not sure I want to be around to see it.”

“What do you mean?” Bill questioned.

“I mean I’m thinking about moving out. I mean, even if I did not intensely disagree with this situation, I don’t want to be living there with Eric and his [i]wife[/i] – that’s kind of ridiculous,” Michael said.

“Well you could move in here for a little while if you need to get out and you can’t find a place right away,” his mother offered genuinely.

Michael forced a smile at this. He knew all too well how much his mother would [i]love[/i] for him to move back home. He, however, was positive he could not stand to live at home for a day let alone any longer period of time simply because of his mother’s tendency to butt into every teeny tiny aspect of his life. “Thanks, Mom, but it’s not like I’m moving out tomorrow or anything. I’m just trying to keep my options open with Eric and his…insanity.”

“Sounds like a reasonable plan,” Bill said. Just then, their conversation was interrupted by Sydney speaking to Bill in the only language he could. She said a few sentences and he said one back to her before standing up off the couch. “She wants more magazines,” he explained with a slight shrug. “She’s fascinated by them…apparently…” With that, he disappeared from the room.

“I think she’s just adorable,” Amelia told her son quietly. “Of course, I have no idea what she’s saying, but she seems so amused by everything.”

“Good to know Mom,” Michael laughed softly. Then, he glanced over at Sydney. When he caught sight of her, he noticed she was staring right at him. Quickly, she turned away and looked down towards her lap, a soft rose color creeping into her cheeks. Michael smiled softly to himself; his mother had a point – she was adorable.

Chapter 8

For six weeks, Sydney lived with the Vaughn’s and worked rigorously to learn the English language. Every day she would practice with Michael’s father in various forms. She would listen to him say sentences and repeat them back. She would look at flashcards to identify items and she would participate in day to day conversation as much as she could. Reading was also part of her training, though it was the smallest part; enabling her to converse and understand English through listening was the most important.

Though she struggled at first, eventually Sydney began to get the hang of things. Understanding the gist of the conversation going on around her seemed to be the easiest for her. Hardest aside from reading was remembering the English words for items such as the refrigerator, bathroom, and television. Slowly, though, she was making it through.

Michael was absolutely floored the first day he was able to have a full (albeit minimal) conversation with her. Of course, he had to speak very slowly and use words as though he was conversion with a small child, but it was a massive improvement over the scared, dumbfounded woman he met five weeks earlier. Plus, she was advancing her knowledge every day, making the situation fascinating to watch.

With Sydney’s grasp of the English language came a gradual change in her personality. When she first entered their lives, her eyes were constantly filled with fear, uncertainty, and a great deal of confusion. This, of course, was to be expected with her thrown into a different country, a different culture, where she did not even speak the language though. Thus, in part, her personality change was due to her becoming more comfortable with the situation; however, Michael believed and his parents agreed it was also in part a result of something else.

As Sydney grew more and more comfortable with the Vaughn’s she revealed to them more about her past and how she came to be a mail-order bride of sorts. Her family back in Russia was very poor. She lived with her parents, five brothers, and three cousins all in the same house. They could not afford for her to attend school past the age of sixteen and sent her to work to make money for them. As soon as she could, she left to be on her own in hopes of bettering herself. Sadly, she had little luck.

As Michael suspected, Viktor, the man who “sold” her to Eric, was not her brother; he was not related to her at all. Coming to America was a situation Sydney agreed to on false pretenses. Viktor told her she would merely become a man’s housekeeper; she would wash his clothes and cook him meals and that was all. Ironically, this is what Eric had in mind all along part of it anyway. Once Bill and Michael to explain her true purpose for being there she became understandably upset. Naturally, she was not keen on the idea of marring a person she had met only days earlier, no matter how wonderful they were (or were not in Eric’s case).

Upon finding out this information, Michael went straight to Eric and explained to him the situation. Eric was generally annoyed if not borderline crushed at the idea he would not be able to marry Sydney at the first available moment. However insane he was, though, he was reasonable enough not to force Sydney into that situation even if Viktor had nearly done it for her. After all, Eric did not want Sydney to hate him since he was head over heels for her already. Though Michael still believed him to be significantly delusional, he was glad there would not be a wedding any time soon.

As Sydney grew more and more acclimated to the English language to the point where she did not have to depend solely on Bill for her communication to the world, the Vaughn family plus Eric began discussing her situation. Michael’s parents were not sure if she would want to go and live with Eric considering that he (in a way) thought of her still as his future wife. Sydney insisted, though, that she live up to her end of the bargain; she would return to Michael and Eric’s apartment to clean, cook, and do whatever other chores they asked of her. That was why they paid to bring her to America after all. Of course, Sydney did not know the exact sum that had been paid (she only thought it was her plane ticket fee plus a nominal fee for Viktor’s services), but they did not plan on telling her either, not wanting her to get upset.

The day of Sydney’s move back to Eric and Michael’s apartment was a surprisingly emotional one for her. In her six (almost seven) weeks in America she had grown very attached to both Bill and Amelia and was sad to leave their home. She was, however, positively anticipating living with the guys for a reason Michael could not seem to grasp since living with Eric was definitely not the highlight of his life.

Not surprisingly, Eric was practically beside himself with excitement at the prospect of Sydney’s return. Due to his own ridiculous rule, he had not seen or spoken to Sydney in all the time she was at the Vaughn’s. Michael could never understand this insanity, but chose not to; sometimes Eric was just too much.

On the day of Sydney’s move, Michael led the way into his apartment carrying Sydney’s luggage while she trailed behind him. Just a few feet inside the door, Eric was waiting, dorky grin spread across his face, bouquet of flowers in his grasp. Michael rolled his eyes slightly and stepped aside so Eric would present the flowers to Sydney.

“Thank you,” Sydney said as she accepted the flowers.

Eric’s face let up like a brilliant light bulb. “You can speak English!” he proclaimed with amazement.

“Kind of,” Michael said with a slight laugh.

“I still learning from Bill,” Sydney managed.

“Well you speak good for just a few weeks!” Eric informed her.

“She speaks [i]well[/i],” Michael corrected his grammar with an eye roll. “Try to use proper English around her Eric since she’s learning.”

Eric, ignoring this warning, led Sydney into the apartment to give her a tour. “Look, we got you sheets, towels, an air mattress, and a cool little divider so you can have your own room…sorta,” he showed her. Knowing she could not (or [i]should not[/i]) stay in either Michaels or Eric’s rooms, they purchased an air mattress and a wall divider, cordoning off a corner of their sitting room that Sydney could call her own. True, it wasn’t much, but for their impromptu situation it would have to due.

“Thank you,” Sydney said, setting her smaller bag down beside the mattress.

“Well we’ll let you settle in,” Michael said, setting Sydney’s luggage down on the ground. “Come on Eric, don’t hover…”

“What if I want to talk to her while she unpacks?” Eric challenged. Then he turned to Sydney asking, “Do you want me to stay.”

“Yes,” Sydney nodded her head. Eric smiled proudly at Michael, who simply rolled his eyes. Sydney probably did not know what she was agreeing to anyway.

Chapter 9

The first few days of Sydney’s stay in Michael and Eric’s apartment were very awkward for all parties involved mostly due to the simple fact that three people were now sharing a space originally only meant for two. They clashed when using the bathroom, kitchen and every other necessarily item in the apartment. Eric and Michael fought over who was going to go to the store and take Sydney with them. They butted heads over whose turn it was to assist Sydney in reading the children’s books Amelia bought her. Almost everything ended in someone storming out of the room leaving Sydney guilty behind.

Eventually, though, they ironed out the timing differences that existed and fell into an even plan. Of course, once they had written down schedules for who was allowed to use the bathroom when half a dozen other problems arose. The main one being the issue of Sydney’s cooking.

Having a strange Russian woman live in their house to do the cleaning cooking and laundry was all well and good but only in theory. In actuality, this would have worked out only if Sydney was capable of doing such things. Sadly, she was not. Well, she could dust and run the vacuum, but that was about all.

The first issue they ran into was Sydney’s lack of knowledge about American cookware. Amelia had tried but apparently failed to explain the difference between degrees Fahrenheit and Celsius to her resulting in a very smoky incident during which the fire department was nearly called. The meals she did not burn were just downright terrible. All the child-size clothing that used to be shirts that fit Michael and Eric was the [i]other[/i] problem they soon faced.

At first, Eric tried to shrug off these issues as nothing. He explained that Sydney would quickly get the hang of cooking by reading recipe books that were easy to follow (a.k.a. ones he used to a significant degree of success) and by reading the labels on the clothing and following the instructions. This, of course, would have been a perfect solution had Sydney been able to read English, which she could not, a point Eric failed to remember.

In the end, they had to dictate instructions to her, which she then wrote down on stickie notes in Russian. These notes were the affixed to the washer, dryer, stove, and microwave. Once this was complete, they had no more laundry or cooking disasters.

While still trying to learn how long to roast a chicken breast and how to properly iron Eric’s shirts, Sydney continued her English lessons with Michael’s father. Now that she had the day to day basics down, Bill began a more methodical approach to teaching her the language including grammar and proper sentence structure. While Bill had been a linguist analyst, he was no a professional English teacher and thus he enlisted the help of several text books, but anything was a help that Sydney appreciated greatly.

On Friday, not quite two weeks after Sydney moved in with Michael and Eric, Michael was getting ready to leave his apartment for what felt like the first Friday night in decades. Stupidly, he had agreed to double date with a friend from work who was [i]dying[/i] to go out with a girl who refused to go on a date unless her roommate could tag along. Thus, he was stuck.

Michael was not sure when exactly his social life made the switch from a moderate pace to a dead standstill. He did, however, know the exact reason. Her name was Melanie and within a matter of six months she had caused Michael’s heart to swell to approximately the size of the Grand Canon and then stomped on it, breaking his heart into a million pieces. He had fallen head over heels for her curly blonde hair and hazel eyes almost immediate only to discover she was cheating on him with her roommate’s boyfriend. Needless to say, neither Michael nor the roommate took this news very well and ever since Michael had become very guarded when it came potential romantic interests. For good reason, of course.

As he was getting ready to leave that evening, Michael could not help but feel the slightest bit concerned. Of course the potential for an utterly horrible if not painful evening was weighing on his mind, but it was not the most significant factor. Mostly, he was concerned about leaving Sydney alone with Eric for the first time.

After Sydney began living with them full time, Eric’s star-struck attitude around her improved greatly. He no longer stared at her for hours on end. He didn’t act in awe every time she walked in to the room and he could carry on conversation with her without stuttering. Michael feared, though, that if they were left alone without his glares to keep Eric in check, Eric would somehow sweet talk Sydney into following him into his bedroom and he would come home to find her in a closet after Eric tried to undress her or –worse- undressed himself in front of her. Though Michael had warned Eric against such an incident many times, he was still convinced something bad would happen while he was away.

When he left, Eric was on the couch with Sydney attempting to explain to her why the Philadelphia Flyers were the best hockey team on the planet. Naturally, Sydney was merely smiling and nodding at him, only understanding about every third word, but at least they were having a safe level of fun.

Through his double date Michael was utterly miserable. For starters, his “date” was wearing the foulest smelling perfume he had ever been around to the point where he was actually growing nauseous. To add to this factor was her personality which was sour at best. Suddenly, Michael was not so surprised that this roommate never left the apartment. He was more than anxious to escape and finally he was able to do so, though it was not until two and a half hour after he left his apartment.

When Michael walked in to the sitting room to find no one there and Eric’s bedroom door closed, his heart sank down into the pit of his stomach; this did [i]not[/i] bode well. After just a moment, though, Sydney emerged from Eric’s bedroom moving very slowly, obviously trying to be quiet. Only when she had shut the door softly behind her did she notice Michael and smile. “What…were you doing?” he asked suspiciously.

“Eric fell asleep,” she explained.

“Did you…carry him in there?” Michael questioned.

Sydney shook her head. “We already in there. He showed me game.”

Michael nodded his head, understanding this and feeling relieved at the same time. Eric had been showing Sydney his video games, which Michael insisted that he keep in his room and not out in the open where they could be seen by everyone who entered there apartment. “I see…did you enjoy playing the video games?” Michael asked. Sydney shook her head with a slight grimace and Michael laughed. “Can’t really blame you there.”

“How was your date?” Sydney asked.

Michael shrugged. “It wasn’t really a date per say, but it wasn’t that great. Actually, it was rather terrible.”

“Would you like something to eat?” Sydney offered. In the weeks he had known her, Michael knew this to be the phrase Sydney said when she really did not know what else to say, mostly because she did not understand what had been said to her.

“No,” he said with a soft laugh. “I’m just going to bed. Goodnight Sydney.”

“Good night!” she echoed happily.

Chapter 10

As the weeks Sydney was spending with Eric and Michael turned into months, it would have been difficult for anyone to tell that when she arrived in America at the end of January she did not speak a word of English. True, by that point in late April she was far from fluent in the language, but she was a million times better than when she arrived.

With Sydney continually acclimating herself to life with the two bachelors, she began learning more and more about the intricacies of American culture. Naturally, she did not understand all of them or any of them really. Mostly, she just was confused as to why Eric loved hockey more than oxygen to breathe and why neither of the men were married at ages she considered to be “old”.

In learning about America, Sydney in turn shared things about her former life in Russia. Understandably, Michael and Eric were as confused by her former life as she was with their present one. However, they were most excited to learn about her birthday, which fell on the twenty-fourth of April. Apparently, during her time in Russia, Sydney’s birthday was not celebrated almost at all. Each year, she would receive a small gift, most of the time a small bar of chocolate, which would have otherwise been too extravagant to afford. That was all; nothing more.

This concept of minimal celebrations absolutely blew Michael and Eric’s minds. With the realization that she had never actually had a proper birthday blow-out, plans immediately went into the works to give her one. Of course, since Sydney had only been in the country a matter of months, she did not have any friends outside of Eric, Michael and his parents. Actually, she really had not met anyone aside from those four people; however, that did not stop Eric or Michael from inviting practically everyone they knew and were close with to Sydney’s party.

Ever since “ordering” his wife, Eric had unsurprisingly been talking about her non-stop. He told all of his friends and coworkers about her. Naturally, Eric’s affinity for bending the truth on previous occasions worked against the people believing him. He was surprisingly very furious when they still did not believe him after he showed a picture of Sydney. Michael explained to him that he could have taken a picture of anyone and claimed it to be the Russian girl who was to be his wife. Thus, Eric was using this birthday party to prove once and for all that Sydney was who he insisted her to be even if Michael disapproved of this exploitation vehemently.

Michael, on the other hand, was not choosing his guest list based on how much he could impress people with Sydney’s presence. He was merely picking people whom he thought she would get along with and people who would not be obnoxious and ask her ridiculous and offensive questions. Since it was her first birthday party he wanted it to be the best it could possibly be, at least from his side of things since he had no control over the people Eric brought in to the party.

In order for Sydney to get the full surprise effect of her party, Michael and Eric forced her out of the apartment for most of Saturday morning and afternoon so they could decorate properly. While Michael’s mother took her shopping for a birthday present, the two boys tied dozens of streamers and balloons at various areas around their apartment. They then arranged plates full of chips, pretzels, and other snack items just in time for their first guests to arrive.

When Sydney arrived home with Michael’s mother, about twelve of their thirty-some invited guests were already mingling. When Sydney walked in to see not only the decorations but party guests as well, she was nearly brought to tears from the thoughtfulness that existed in Michael and Eric. She gave them each hugs which, of course, Eric was only all too ecstatic to receive before allowing them to pull her around and introduce her to everyone.

Needless to say, Sydney’s first real birthday party made her twenty-second birthday the best she ever had. She enjoyed meeting all of Eric’s and Michael’s friends even if it was a little overwhelming for her. Plus, she received presents from Eric, Michael, his parents, and even some small trinkets from some of the guests. On Saturday evening after the party was over she sat on her air mattress and examined all of her new belongings over with amazement.

Towards the end of Sydney’s party, Michael’s father pulled him aside to tell him that he and his wife decided to take an impromptu vacation. They would be gone for almost ten days starting in two weeks which meant that in that time Sydney would not receive her daily English language lessons’ from Bill. Up until then Bill had been religiously coming over to Michael’s place and spending two sometimes up to four hours a day with Sydney teaching her new words and showing her how to read. By that point, she had about a second or third grade reading level and he was concerned that a ten day gap in her practice would cause her to take a few steps backwards. Thus, he was enlisting his son to help take over while he was away.

Immediately, Michael was unsure about this plan. While he wanted to help Sydney and had been helping her by taking her out on walks and pointing out trees and flowers, he was uncertain about his ability to be a good teacher. More specifically, about his ability to be a patient, non-frustrated and giving up teacher. He agreed to give it a try, though. After all, it was just ten days, not a lifetime commitment. Plus, it was helping Sydney.

~*~

When the first day of Michael’s parent’s vacation arrived, he had to admit he was actually nervous about being Sydney’s temporary teacher. He did not want to disappoint her or his father, which made the situation even more important than it already was. On his lunch break at work, he went to the bookstore and bought her a brand new children’s book to read that evening during their practice session, hoping that something new would help distract her from Michael’s lack of teaching ability.

“Sydney!” he called out when he arrived home from work. She emerged from the kitchen, smile on her face. “I got this for you… to read tonight,” he said rather stupidly, handing out the book.

Sydney walked over and took it wide-eyed. She opened the front cover and began to leaf through, looking at the pages. “It has pictures!” she exclaimed happily.

“Yeah, some,” he laughed softly. “We can read it after dinner, okay?”

“Okay!” she agreed. “I’ve been waiting [i]all[/i] day.”

“Oh…okay,” he said, laughing once more. He could hardly imagine the highlight of someone’s day being reading a book for second graders, but then again Sydney did not have much else to look forward to unless it was Eric’s belching the National Anthem after dinner.

Michael ate quickly so as not to keep Sydney waiting too long. Then, after changing out of his suit and tie, he sat beside her on the couch and they held the book between them. Sydney stumbled with a few words as she always did when reading something new, but she made quick progress. Only twice did she have to ask Michael to say or explain a word to her, which was much less than usual. When she was finished with the book, she immediately wanted to start over and read it again and, of course, Michael let her.

As they were reading, Eric arrived home and ate his own dinner. When Michael asked if he wanted to read with Sydney, he refused stating he would only read sports magazines with her. Unfortunately, Sydney had not quite reached that reading level yet. Though Eric was very taken with Sydney, he never seemed to want to help her with her English or reading in the ways she needed to be assisted (a.k.a. reading children’s books and not the articles in Playboy). Michael found this to be slightly strange, but attributed it to Eric’s selfish at times natures.

“Did I do well?” Sydney questioned once she read the book through a second time.

“Very well,” Michael smiled at her.

She smiled back. “I like you being my teacher, Michael.”

“I like it too,” he assured her.

Chapter 11

Michael was surprised at how well his English lessons with Sydney actually went. Though at first he was uncertain of his skill in the area, he quickly found it was actually very easy. He may not have been able to give Sydney a complex grammar lesson off the top of her head, but he could help her with spelling and writing out short sentences, which was her newest task. He was also excellent in the area of word pronunciation.

As their lessons progressed, Michael found himself having more fun than ever. He and Sydney would laugh their way through their lesson for the day before settling back on the couch to watch something on TV. Usually after the learning portion of the night was over, Eric would join them, which detracted from Michael’s fun slightly, but it was still nice to sit with Sydney.

At the end of his ten day jaunt as Sydney’s teacher, Michael could not help but feel the slightest bit sad. The following day his parents would be returning home and his father would take over the duty of being Sydney’s English guide. He began to miss spending time with her already even if it had not started yet until an idea came to his mind. He did not have to miss Sydney; he could still be her teacher.

The whole reason Bill became Sydney’s teacher was because he was the only person who could communicate with her. Sydney only spoke Russian and Bill spoke both Russian and English therefore he needed to teach Sydney English by using Russian. By that point, though, nearly four months later, Sydney no longer needed Bill to be her translator. Though she did not know every word, she knew enough words for Michael to explain to her in English any word she did not understand. Of course, Michael did not want to cut his father off entirely since Bill enjoyed spending time with Sydney, too, and it was keeping him from becoming too bored in his retirement years. Thus, Michael devised a plan.

To enable he and his father to both assist Sydney, he decided on a simple switch on and off schedule for the two of them to work around. Bill would help Sydney one day, Michael the next, then Bill again and so on and so forth. That way, they would have equal time with Sydney and she would be exposed to both of their teaching styles, Michael’s a bit more relaxed and unofficial than his father’s.

When his father did return home, Michael ran this idea by him and Bill agreed that they would trade off being Sydney’s English teacher. Sydney, too, liked the idea since she thoroughly enjoyed spending time with both Vaughn men. Plus, Michael suspected she enjoyed anyone at all paying attention to her since that rarely happened to her back in Russia.

~*~

From May into June, Michael and his father worked diligently to boost Sydney’s vocabulary and reading level. Michael was amazed at just how quickly she had picked up a whole new language. Then again, he knew it to be mostly because she was so interested in learning it. Plus the fact that she was entirely submerged in it helped as well; it would have been impossible for her not to pick up some words even if she was not even trying all that hard.

As she learned more and more, she required less and less of Bill and Michael’s constant presence. She could go off by herself and read something, only needing to come to them occasionally to clarify a word. Also, she began reading the evening newspaper out loud to Michael and Eric while they ate dinner for practice.

To thank them for their tireless efforts in assisting her, Sydney began baking Bill and Michael dozens of cookies and other deserts, which really was her only way of giving back to them. Soon Michael and Bill had gained a few pounds each thanks to her delicious treats and requested she find other was of expressing her gratitude less they turn in to…well, Eric. Once of Sydney’s recipes was so delicious, though, that Michael could not help but ask her for the recipe. Sydney was more than glad to not only give him the ingredient list but show him how to make the cookies. Of course, she invited Eric to join them, but he was not so much interested in the cooking and baking process as he was the eating one.

“Okay, so I measured all the ingredients,” Michael said to Sydney, gesturing towards his measuring cups full of flour, sugar, and nuts as well as other necessary items. “What next?”

“Mix,” she told him, making a stirring gesture with her hands.

“I know but in what order?!” he laughed. Rolling her eyes slightly, Sydney began to point to different ingredients to show the proper order to combine them in.

Fifteen minutes later the batter was ready to be divided up into cookies and put onto baking sheets. Naturally, Michael dived right in, grabbing globs of the sticky dough, mashing it around with his fingers and letting it drop with a “squish” onto the cookie sheet. Sydney offered him a spoon to use in a more proper fashion, but he refused, leaving half of their cookies – Sydney’s half – in perfectly rounded lumps and the rest in misshapen globs.

“So what do I do about this?” Michael asked, wiggling his dough covered fingers once Sydney had put the full baking sheets in the oven.

“Wash them?” she suggested.

“I could do that…,” he began in a suspicious tone. When Sydney gave him a curious look Michael walked over to her and before she could protest streaked a line of dough down her nose. Sydney, obviously not understanding this playful action, looked offended and quickly grabbed a paper towel to wipe off the dough on her face.

“What did you do that for?!” she demanded.

Michael merely laughed. “Because it’s fun! Haven’t you ever played with dough or flour?!” he asked, reaching in the open flour bag and tossing some up in the air, where it scattered like mist across the kitchen.

Sydney grabbed his hand before he could do it again. “You’re making a mess!” she scolded him as though she would a misbehaving child.

“I’ll clean it up. C’mon – try it!” he encouraged.

Giving him a cautious look, Sydney dipped her fingers into the flour bag and pinched some of the dust between her fingers. Then, she pulled her hand out of the bag and threw the flour directly at Michael’s face, where it stuck to his eyebrows and eyelashes. At this, she could not help but laugh. “That was fun!”

“See!” Michael grinned. Then he grabbed some flour and did the same to her. Soon, they were throwing flour, sugar, and walnuts at each other, making an utter mess in the process. Finally, Sydney put an end to their fun when she realized what a disaster they were making of the kitchen.

“Am I covered in flour?” Sydney asked, trying to catch a glimpse of her reflection in the door to the microwave.

“Yeah, but it looks good on you,” he laughed softly. He walked over to her and stood beside her and chuckled softly at her disheveled appearance. When she turned to face him, soft smile on her face, Michael reached up with his index finger and used his knuckle to brush some of the flour off her cheek since his fingertip was still encrusted with dough.

Standing there, looking into Sydney’s chocolate eyes, Michael felt something – something in his heart – like he had not felt in a very long time. He was not sure what made him do it aside from temporary insanity thanks to breathing in an excessive amount of flour, but for some reason he had the insuppressible urge to kiss Sydney in that moment and so he did. The second his lips touched hers though, he knew he had made a terrible mistake and jumped back. Quickly, he tried to remedy the situation.

“Well…I’m…I’m, uh, going to go wash up…and then I’ll clean up the floor,” he stammered out. Then he made a mad dash for the bathroom, all the while cursing himself for being a fool.

Chapter 12

For the next few days, Michael avoided Sydney as though his entire life depended on it. He never made eye contact and rarely stayed in the same room as her for more than a minute. Mostly, he kept to his bedroom, obsessing about what a moron he was.

Why did he have to kiss her? Of all things, why did he have to [i]kiss[/i] Sydney, the woman who was supposed to be Eric’s mail order wife? No he couldn’t spit on her accidentally or say something stupid that would make him blush and embarrass himself. No, of course not. He had to be the idiot that kissed her. The first idiot in America to kiss her as far as his knowledge went anyway. Since the only male she was around besides himself was Eric and he had not heard any girlish squeals he guessed Eric had not kissed her either.

Sitting alone in his room while Sydney and Eric watched hockey playoffs on TV, Michael began to wonder what exactly made him kiss Sydney. Of course, it had been a spur of the moment reaction, but why had he felt it at all? Why, in that moment, did he just [i]have[/i] to kiss her?

In the first few weeks after Sydney’s arrival into their lives, Michael tried to keep his distance from her. He did not want to be mean or cold to her in any capacity, he was simply trying to stay away knowing that Eric had staked his claim in her. Not to mention the fact that he found the whole situation utterly absurd and was not encouraging it by any means. As it turned out, staying away from her was easy in theory but difficult in practice.

For starters, there was the fact that she was staying at his parent’s house. If he wanted to go and visit his parents, she would undoubtedly be there. Not only was she there, but she was being educated by his parents and thus actively a part of her life. Due to this closeness, he could not help but become involved in her life. Besides, she was a sweet girl and to a certain extent he felt bad for her being thrown into a completely new environment without a friend to lean on.

Once she moved back in with him, it was impossible to stay away from her simply because she was always there. In time, though, he realized he did not want to stay away from her. He enjoyed taking her to the grocery store and watching her examine food items she had never seen before with amusement. He liked the cute way her nose would crinkle when she was trying to read something she could not understand. Most of all, he enjoyed being able to help her obtain a better understanding of the English language.

Never before had he laughed so hard when trying to teach someone how to properly pronounce the word “banana”. Watching Sydney read book after book of children’s stories borrowed from the library was an endless source of entertainment for her. He rediscovered the childish innocence of such tales through Sydney. True, some of them were a bit too outlandish to hold an adult’s attention, but others were very cute for lack of a better descriptor. Sydney thoroughly enjoyed many of them and would read them over again and again until Michael or his mother returned them to the library and got her new ones.

With all the time he spent helping her, Michael did not realize he had actually come to depend on that time until his father suggested that soon Sydney would not need their help at all. This had been a few days earlier and at the time it did not really register in Michael’s brain. Once it sunk in, though, he was almost heartsick at the thought that he would not get to spend his evening on the couch with Sydney assisting her with her reading anymore. He greatly looked forward to that time throughout his entire work day and was not quite sure what he would do without it.

Sitting there on his bed, Michael came to a rather surprising realization. Perhaps, though he had not been trying to in any capacity whatsoever, he had developed a romantic interest in Sydney. After all, she was a very sweet, kind woman who he loved spending time with. Actually, he favored spending time with her over spending it with his own friends. Plus there was the fact that he had felt an undeniable urge to kiss her which really was a deciding factor in realizing that he [i]did[/i] have feelings for her.

Considering it had been a significant period of time since he had feelings for anyone thanks to his previously broken heart this realization came with more issues than it should have Eric being the foremost of them all. As far as Michael knew, Eric was still planning on phasing his way into being Sydney’s significant other turned husband. He surely could not betray his friend that way, could he? No, no he could not. Eric was his very best friend and he could not hurt him in that way.

Besides, he tried to convince himself, his feelings for Sydney weren’t deep feelings of love. It was merely a crush. Just a simple attraction developed after spending a bit too much time with her. That was all; a simple crush.

“Hey Mike? Mike! You sick or something?!” Eric banging his fists on Michael’s bedroom door roused him from his thoughts.

“What… no…,” Michael said slowly, walking over to the door. He opened it to find Eric, smiling stupidly.

“Well come check it out. There was this [i]awesome[/i] fight during the game. C’mon I’ll replay it for you!” Eric told him.

“You taped the game?” Michael questioned with a wrinkled brow.

“TiVo baby – live in the now. It lets you rewind live TV!” Eric insisted.

“Oh,” Michael laughed softly. Then he took a seat on the couch opposite Sydney, who gave him a soft smile and a wave. He waved back as he felt the heat creep up the back of his neck and onto his face.

“Okay, okay here it is- its so great!” Eric insisted.

Michael gave him a forced look of interest before turning his attention towards the TV. His feelings for Sydney were just a crush and nothing more. And, if that was true, they would eventually go away; he just needed to wait it out.

Chapter 13

Michael’s next issue to tackle after convincing himself that his feelings for Sydney were merely a meaningless crush was facing her reaction to the situation. As it turned out though, his concern was not necessary. During his first solo encounter with Sydney, four days after their kiss, she did not even mention the incident. Actually, she did not mention anything about the kiss or Michael’s subsequent evasion of her presence. Not that he was disappointed by this, but it did make him think.

Why hadn’t she mentioned anything regarding the incident? Well, he could see her not mentioning the kiss. Perhaps it had shocked her so much she did not want to say anything about it. Or, maybe she sensed his feelings regarding the issue and chose not to mention it because of that. Why, though, had she not mention the fact that he basically had not spoken to her in three days after talking to her every day for sometimes hours at a time before that? This thought could not help but make Michael feel the slightest bit sad. Maybe she did not enjoy spending time with him after all.

Almost as if she had read his thoughts, Sydney demonstrated this was not the case almost immediate. The night after their hockey watching, she was lounging across her bed reading yet another book when she called Michael over to clarify a word for her. Naturally, he went over, crouched down beside her, and assisted her with the word she was wondering about.

After he had explained the word to her, Sydney rolled over onto her back, sat up and asked, “Michael do you not like helping me anymore?”

“What?! No! Of course I do…what made you ask that?” he questioned, his heart beating a bit more rapidly. She merely shrugged. “Well I do like helping you so don’t ever hesitate to ask me to help you, okay?”

“Okay… could I ask you something else?” she questioned. Michael nodded in confirmation. “Well…I was wondering if maybe you would take me to a movie since I’ve never been to one…”

“We haven’t taken you to a movie theater yet?!” Michael asked with utter shock. Sydney shook her head. “Oh I’m sorry Sydney! Of course – we can go whenever you want to whatever show you want. We’ll even bring Eric if you want.”

“Oh…,” Sydney began slower, her face falling slightly. “Well that would be okay… I don’t think Eric will like the movie, though.”

“Oh yeah,” Michael cringed slightly. “Eric doesn’t like chick flicks.”

“Could we go without him?”

“Sure,” Michael responded quickly without even thinking of his ‘stay away from Sydney and your crush will disappear’ plan. She wanted an evening at the movies and that was [i]exactly[/i] what he was going to give her.

~*~

Though she wanted to go to the movies right away, Sydney wanted her first movie experience to be memorable and thus wanted to wait and see a movie she had been looking forward to for weeks. Michael cautioned her that if they went to the movie on opening weekend it would be jam packed. Not that he minded, of course; he was merely warning her so she would not be stunned at the crowds.

After this news, Sydney decided it would be best to wait, so it was actually almost a month before they actually went to the theater. That Saturday, they took in a late afternoon showing, intending to grab dinner afterwards before heading back home. After hearing what movie they were gong to, Eric immediately made plans so that he would have an excuse not to go, stating that his manhood could not withstand such a film. Michael, on the other hand, was glad to go with Sydney and his manhood would still be intact at the end of the movie, he was sure of it.

Not surprisingly, Sydney was thrilled to death to sit in a big theater with surround sound munching on popcorn covered in neon yellow butter-like slime. She had the time of her life watching previews and the dancing popcorn buckets before the show. Then, with the actual movie, she watched so intently Michael began to worry that she did not even blink the whole time. In the end, very tearful, she announced that it was her favorite movie ever. Even Michael had to admit the movie was not too bad – as chick flicks went, of course.

For dinner, the two of them went to the TGI Friday’s restaurant beside the movie theater. This was also a place Sydney had never been before, so she spent a much longer time than usual scrutinizing the menu and picking her order. Actually, Sydney had not been to very many restaurants at all, so any time she ate out was an experience for her.

When they arrived home shortly after seven o’clock, their apartment was still empty, meaning Eric was still out for the night. Just as Sydney was about to pick up one of her books, Michael stopped her. “I got you a game if you wanna play.”

“Game?” Sydney questioned curiously.

Michael nodded and went to retrieve the item from the bag he stashed in his room. “It’s Twister… kind of strange, I know, but I remember back in college there were these girls in my dorm who would play it [i]every[/i] Saturday night for whatever reason. It’s a classic,” he said with a laugh.

“How do you play?” she questioned, eyeing the different color dots with confusion.

As Michael was pulling the plastic wrap off the new game, he explained the instructions to her. Admittedly, they were a little strange and difficult for her to grasp, but Michael promised it was supposed to be a little weird and it was most fun when a group of people were playing and falling all over each other, laughing all the way.

“Will you play with me?” Sydney questioned.

“Uh…sure, but fair warning I’m going to be really awful,” he laughed before slipping off his shoes. The two of them then cleared a space for the mat with the colored circles to be laid out flat on the floor. Michael picked up the spinner and called out a command to Sydney (right hand red) before spinning it again for himself.

After only three commands, Sydney fell flat on her side, unable to stay up in her slippery stocks. After removing them, she was up and determined to try again. That time after about ten spins of different commands, they were sufficiently tangled up in each other. “I see what you mean,” Sydney grunted from her position with her head practically in Michael’s armpit, about people falling over on each other.

“Yeah,” he laughed softly, straining to breathe from the position he was in. He spun the spinner once more though with great difficulty and was relived to see his move was very easy. Then, it was Sydney’s turn, whose move was not so easy. Actually it resulted in her being directly underneath Michael’s arched frame.

“Okay this isn’t good…”

“Why?” she asked breathlessly.

“Because I’m gonna…fall…on you,” he grunted. With that, he could hold himself up no longer and tumbled onto his side, thankfully not on top of Sydney. She did end up collapsing with him, though, laughing all the way. “See its fun,” he smiled at her.

“Yeah,” she exhaled, still laughing. Then, as the two of them were still laying on their sides on the color dotted mat, Sydney leaned over and gave Michael a quick kiss on the lips.

Stunned to the point of near cardiac arrest, Michael did not move an inch. Sydney had kissed him. Sydney had just kissed [i]him[/i]. The two of them had kissed and for once it wasn’t his fault. Unable to form any coherent thoughts that would have ceased their kissing actions, Michael leaned forward and pulled Sydney closer to him. Their lips met once more that time in a more passionate kiss.

Soon, their arms were around each other and their bodies lined up together as they kissed. Unfortunately, in this position, neither of them heard the front door open and shut. They did, however, hear Eric’s scream, “You son of a bitch!”

Chapter 14

“You son of a bitch!” Eric bellowed as his only reaction to the sight of his best friend engrossed in tonsil hockey with his could-be wife. At his comments, the floor dwellers scrambled apart. Michael pushed himself up into a kneeling position while Sydney stayed seated on the floor, blushing and staring intently at the red circular spot below her.

“Eric, this isn’t want you think,” Michael began as weak attempt at defense. Clearly, this was not the right thing to say for just a moment later Eric charged across the room and punched him squarely in the jaw. While Sydney let out a scream, Michael landed flat on his back with a moan.

“I can’t believe you!” Eric spat from his position towering above Michael’s head. “You’re supposed to be my best friend – my brother – and you do this?! Jesus!” He began pacing around the couch with his frustration. “I mean, you were so unsupportive of this whole thing at first I thought it was going to be awful. I thought you were going to sulk around and make rude comments. But then you started helping her read and stuff and I thought, ‘Oh isn’t that nice, Michael’s being the great guy I know him to be.’ But no! You were just weaseling your way in to make your move you…you…traitor!”

“No I wasn’t!” Michael insisted. He climbed up to his feet, holding gingerly to his throbbing jaw. “I wasn’t planning this Eric! It just happened, okay?! I just happened when we were in the kitchen and-”

“Kitchen??” Eric interrupted with a screech. “What happened in the kitchen??!”

“Um…nothing…”

“Unbelievable,” Eric scoffed, throwing up his hands with frustration. “You’re unbelievable. How could you do this?! To me! Besides the fact that Sydney is mine – nor yours, [i]mine[/i].”

“Eric-”

“No!” he insisted. “I’m the one that ordered her. I bought her and she’s mine. I paid ten thousand dollars for her and you just paid five – I paid more and I own more of her and she’s mine!”

Rubbing his brow with a groan, Michael informed Eric, “By the way, Sydney speaks English now and she’s sitting right here so you just told her that!”

“So?! I’m just saying the truth – she’s mine!”

“No, Eric, no. She’s a person and you can’t own her,” Michael said calmly.

“You’re just saying that because you want her,” Eric snapped.

“No, I’m saying that because she’s a person and you can’t [i]own her[/i]!”

“Whatever,” Eric muttered.

“Look,” Michael continued with a sigh. “We’re both missing the obvious solution here. How about we just let Sydney decide? After all, it is her life and she is an adult.”

Eric thought about this for a moment. True, it was always Michael having the long term relationships but he felt in this case he had the upper hand. After all, Michael was always making her read books; he was fun and let her watch hockey. “Yeah, okay. Good. She’ll pick me anyway since you’re such a backstabbing man-whore.”

Ignoring this, Michael crouched down on the floor to be eye level with Sydney. “Did you hear what we were saying?” he asked softly.

“I tried to keep up,” she told him. “But I don’t understand what I’m supposed to decide.”

“You get to pick which one of us you’re going to marry so you get a green card and aren’t sent back to Russia,” Eric told her tactlessly.

“Or decide which one of us you’d like to date and be with in a relationship,” Michael countered putting a more romantic spin on things.

Eric glared at him. “Well I coulda said that! I also coulda told her to pick which one of us she wants to have sex with!” he insisted. Michael gave him an unappreciative look.

“I still don’t understand,” Sydney told him slowly. “How should I choose?”

“Well, I don’t know,” Michael laughed softly, trying to think of an easier example to explain to her. “How about if I asked you which you would rather have: vanilla or rocky road ice cream? Which would you pick?”

“I don’t like rocky road,” Sydney said with a scrunched up nose.

“Dude, are you comparing us to ice cream?!” Eric demanded.

Michael ignored him and responded to Sydney’s comment. “So then you’d go with vanilla.”

“But I like you and Eric!” she insisted.

“I didn’t say it was going to be easy…and you don’t have to pick right now either. Take your time,” Michael smiled at her.

“Yeah but not too much time – some of us are horny,” Eric told her. When she gave him a look of confusion he shook his head. “Never mind…”

Michael cleared his throat. “Well with that… I think I’m going to bed…”

“Dude its eight thirty on a Saturday night! You’re such a loser!” Eric laughed.

“Thank you,” Michael said dryly before escaping into his room. Of course, he was not really going to go to sleep at that exact moment. He was far too agitated and stressed out to do so; his mind was swimming with thought.

When they were playing Twister, Michael never expected Sydney to just lean over and kiss him. Even more so than that he did not expect her to [i]kiss[/i] him the way she had with a shocking amount of passion and force. Not that he was complaining, of course; he would have been more than willing to continue kissing her had Eric not come in and interrupted them.

Eric walking in on Michael and Sydney making out was quite possibly one of the worst moments in Michael’s life. He never wanted to hurt Eric that way, ever. Of course, he was not quire sure was his plan was to reveal his feelings for Sydney or their kisses. Undoubtedly, Eric’s reaction would not have been positive, even if he did not have a visual image fueling his fury. Still, Michael wished he would have been able to do it in a calm manner or, at least, calm[i]er[/i].

Now, with Eric’s blowup and their argument which left Sydney in charge of her own future, Michael could not help but feel a gnawing uncertainty in his gut. He wanted Sydney to be happy; there was no question about that. He was, however, gravely concerned about the repercussions.

Of course he wanted Sydney to pick him over Eric, but that was not the foremost concern in his mind. What he feared most was the aftermath. If Sydney picked him over Eric, Eric surely would not be very cordial about that situation. If the reverse situation happened, Michael would once again be back to his original concern: how could he live in the same apartment with Eric and his wife (or girlfriend)? He did not think that was possible back then and now that that girlfriend would be Sydney he knew he could not. One of them would have to go and most likely it would be him. The other fear he had was that his friendship with Eric would go right along with it.

Chapter 15

The following morning when Michael woke up and shuffled his way to the bathroom he was shocked to find a large purpeling area on his cheek. Only then did he remember that Eric had punched him the previous day. Groaning slightly, he opened and closed his jaw to make sure it wasn’t stiff and damaged in any way before reaching for his toothbrush.

Since he did not want to sit around his apartment and face the awkward atmosphere it would inevitably contain, Michael decided to go over to his parent’s house for brunch. They were, of course, glad to see him, but the first thing they noticed was his discolored jaw. “Oh, well,” Michael began his explanation with a sigh, “I kissed Sydney…”

“And she decked you?!” Bill asked with an amused laugh.

Michael gave his father a look. “No, Eric saw us and [i]he[/i] hit me.”

“Oh dear,” Amelia sighed fretfully. After just a second though, a smile broke across her face. “But you kissed Sydney! That’s fantastic!”

“It is?!” Michael asked with curiosity.

“Yes of course! We love her and she’s wonderful. You two would be perfect together!” his mother gushed before giving him a hug.

“Your mother’s right,” Bill continued. “She’s a wonderful girl and she’d be lucky to have someone like you in her life.”

“Thanks guys but… I dunno,” he groaned slightly.

“Michael you are letting that whatever girl affect you for too long!” his mother scolded. “It’s been [i]years[/i] and you’re still all alone. You need to move on Michael and Sydney is the perfect girl to do that with.”

“It hasn’t been [i]years[/i] Mom, and that’s not why I’m concerned. When he saw us kissing, Eric flipped out and started claiming Sydney as ‘his’ like he had staked her with some flag or something. Eventually we let her decide who she’s going to be with – me or him,” he explained.

Bill laughed. “And you’re worried she’ll pick Eric over you?! Son, I’ve got news for you, that’s like choosing the nose-bleed section over front row seats!”

Michael laughed inwardly. “While I appreciate that, that’s not exactly what I’m worried about. What happens if Sydney chooses me or Eric…how are we going to live with each other after she makes her decision?!”

“Well, that is a good point,” Bill sighed.

“I’m sure it’ll all work out,” his mother promised him. “Besides, if it doesn’t, you can always have your room back.”

“Thanks Mom,” Michael sighed.

~*~

The next few days at the Vaughn-Weiss residence were clouded with silence and uncomfortable stares across the apartment. Michael mostly kept to his bedroom when he was even there. He tried his best to stay out of Eric’s way, not wanting to have an argument or be punched once again. He also did not want to hang around Sydney too much lest Eric accuse him of trying to sway her vote.

After two days of walking through the local shopping mall in the evenings, Michael decided his time would be better spent by organizing his belongings. He began going through drawers that had not been touched in years and throwing out (or giving away) things he knew he would never use again. Despite the fact that Eric was typically unobservant to things going on right before his eyes, he noticed this and asked Michael what was going on.

Rather reluctantly, Michael expressed his concerns that the two of them might not want to live together after Sydney made her decision. More specifically, that he would not want to live with Eric should Sydney chose to stay with him. Surprisingly, Eric agreed on the point that it would be awkward to live with Sydney and her boyfriend, whoever that man would be. Keeping with this, they agreed that whoever Sydney chose would stay in that apartment with her and the other would move out. That way, it was fair, or as fair as that situation would ever be.

Finally, after almost an entire agonizing week, Sydney had made her decision. When Michael arrived home from work, she informed him that after dinner she needed to speak with both him and Eric. Immediately, Michael knew what this meant and any appetite he had vanished. He did manage to eat a few bits of food though, mostly out of not wanting to make Sydney feel bad with him not eating the meal she made. When Eric arrived home he did the same before the two of them stood a few feet away from each other in the sitting area, wanting Sydney to get her news over with as quickly as possible.

“Alright so I’ve been thinking about this,” she began. “I’ve been thinking about this [i]a lot[/i], practically for a week straight. It was a very hard decision because I care about you both so much. I mean, Eric is always telling me about hockey…and Michael answers all my silly reading questions,” she said softly, looking at them each in turn. “It was really, really hard, but… but I’ve come to a decision.”

“So who is it already?” Eric asked impatiently.

Sydney gave him a forced smile. “I’m sorry Eric but…but I picked Michael – I’m really sorry!” she insisted, but Eric was already stalking into his room and slamming the door shut.

“I’m sorry,” Sydney said softly, lowering her eyes to the ground.

“Hey it’s okay,” Michael said, pulling her into a hug. “And I’m not just saying that because you picked me either…well, maybe I am a little,” he admitted with a soft laugh. Sydney laughed softly too before leaning up and giving him a quick kiss. Smiling, Michael took her by the hand and pulled her into his bedroom.

“I just through we could talk in here so we don’t make Eric uncomfortable by kissing,” he explained simply. “He’s going to move out, you know?”

“Oh no,” Sydney frowned. “I didn’t mean to make him do that!”

“It’s not that Sydney… we just both agreed that whoever you didn’t choose would move out. It would be too weird otherwise. It just wouldn’t work,” he told her truthfully.

“Oh,” she said softly. “Well that’s okay I guess….will you get a new roommate?”

“No silly – I already have one,” he smiled at her.

“Me?!” she asked, almost surprised.

“Yeah you! Who else?! You didn’t think you’d be living in the corner forever did you?” he asked. She merely shrugged. “Well you’re not; you’re going to move into Eric’s room okay? That way we can just be roommates who happened to be dating and not people who are living together.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?” she asked with slight confusion.

“Not exactly – you’ll see,” he assured her. Then he leaned over and gave her a long, sweet kiss. When they broke, there was a grin across Sydney’s face.

“I’m glad I picked you,” she sighed.

“Why did you, exactly?” he asked with slight uncertainty. “I mean, was it just because I helped you with your English?”

“Yes and no,” she responded. “I picked you because you’re really sweet and caring…and because you helped me when you didn’t have to. After all, Eric said I was [i]his[/i] and you didn’t even want me to come in the first place.”

“No,” Michael clarified. “I didn’t want a crazy person coming into our house and stealing all our things. That’s not the same as not wanting [i]you[/i],” he promised.

“Oh alright,” she agreed happily.

Michael couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re just so adorable.”

“Thank you!” she beamed.

Chapter 16

That night, Sydney and Michael stayed up talking into well into the morning. Because of this, Sydney ended up falling asleep in the same bed as Michael. This really did not help their situation in the morning when Eric noticed Sydney’s bed empty causing his anger and hurt to increase exponentially. Needless to say when Michael and Sydney returned from the grocery store, most of Eric’s belongings were gone along with a note stating he would be back for the rest as soon as possible.

On Sunday, just a day later, Sydney and Michael went to brunch at his parent’s house. There, they officially announced that they were together as a couple. Of course the Vaughn’s were not surprised by this in any way, but they were happy nonetheless. They even offered to take the new couple out to dinner that week in celebration.

The next week of Sydney’s life was one of the best she ever had. Every night when he came home, Michael would sit down on the couch beside her and pull her legs into his lap. The two of them would then sit that way, occasionally kissing, for the remainder of the evening. Though she still felt guilty for hurting Eric the way she had, Sydney could not help but be deliriously happy as Michael’s girlfriend.

The following weekend, Eric called and left a message on the answering machine stating that he would be coming to pick up the rest of his belongings that Sunday. Michael decided it was best to stay out of Eric’s way while he did this, so he took Sydney out to a movie and late lunch during the hours Eric would be there. When they returned, Eric’s room was bear. Michael offered to help Sydney move her clothes and air mattress into the empty room but she refused stating that she wanted to wait a few days. Michael understood this perfectly; moving her in right away seemed almost rude to Eric, who had not spoken to either of them since Sydney made her choice.

“Michael, I was wondering something,” Sydney began later that evening. The two of them were standing around the kitchen waiting for their cookies to be done baking. Actually, Sydney was waiting to get them out of the oven and Michael was waiting to eat them. “I was wondering if maybe I should get a job? I mean, shouldn’t I? You can’t continue to support me…”

“Well you’re not that expensive to be honest,” he laughed softly.

“Well that’s not exactly what I meant. It is but… I was wondering what I was going to do now, you know? With Eric gone I don’t have as much laundry and cooking to do…”

“I see; you’re bored,” Michael said simply.

Sydney apparently took this as something offensive, for she quickly responded, “no it’s not that! I don’t want to seem ungrateful; I just want to help.”

Michael couldn’t help but laugh softly. “First, Sydney, its okay to be bored. Second, I would never think you were ungrateful, but if you want to get a job that’s fine with me. Actually, I think we have an open in my office for a temporary assistant while the regular employee is on maternity leave. It would just be for a few weeks, but you could see what a job is like that way.”

“Temporary assistant,” Sydney repeated slowly. “What is that?”

“Well you’d have to file things and use a copy machine… it wouldn’t be too hard and I think you can read well enough now that you’d be just fine,” Michael assured her.

“Okay! Thank you!” she said excitedly with an ear-to-ear grin. Michael smiled at her; he loved that she was so excited over something so regular (and not exciting) as getting a job.

~*~

For the next month, things with Sydney and Michael went perfectly. Sydney obtained the temporary position at his office working as an assistant to one of his bosses. This situation worked out very well for them. Sydney could ride with Michael to and from work since she still had no way of traveling on her own. Plus, they could eat lunch together, another positive aspect to their relationship.

For reasons Michael could not quite understand, Sydney loved her job more than anything. She was thrilled each and every day she got up and went to work to photocopy papers of all things! This was beyond Michael’s realm of understanding, but he was happy she was happy.

Even more thrilling to Sydney was the clothes she was able to wear while working. Before obtaining her job, her wardrobe consisted of mostly jeans, some black or khaki pants, but nothing very fancy. When working, though, she needed to be dressed in proper work attire, which Amelia was all too happy to buy for her. She loved matching tops with pants with shoes; to her it was fabulous.

On the relationship side of things, their lives were even better. With almost daily lunch dates plus evenings out they were beginning to feel like a real couple. At least, to Michael. He was happier with Sydney than he had been in years of his single life or so it felt.

The only downside of things was the situation with Eric. Ever since he moved out, neither Sydney nor Michael had seen or heard from him. This was slightly disconcerting to them both since it appeared what Michael feared was coming true: along with Sydney choice came the dissolution of their friendship. Michael missed spending time with Eric yet at the same time feared contacting him too soon. He wanted Eric to have a chance to get over Sydney (so to speak) before contacting him so as to save his jaw from potential damage once more.

Interestingly, just as Michael was thinking about giving Eric a call, he ran into his estranged friend while shopping at the local mall. Instead of it being an awkward encounter as Michael feared, it was actually very pleasant. Eric even walked over to Michael instead of the other way around.

“Hey man, how’s it goin’?” he asked in his usual casual tone.

“Pretty good,” Michael smiled with a head nod. “You?”

“Good,” Eric nodded as well. “It’s been a while…”

“Yeah, about that-” Before Michael could continue, though, Eric held up his hand to stop him, wanting to get something off his chest first.

“Listen man I wanted to apologize for the way I acted. I was a real jerk…hitting you like that. I was just upset. It’s cool though – I mean, I’m glad Sydney picked you,” he said.

“Really?!” Michael asked, slightly surprised.

Eric nodded. “Yeah… yeah I wouldn’t have been good for her. I mean, look at me! I wouldn’t even help her read or answer her questions about English….you’re the better guy for her.

“Thanks Eric,” Michael said genuinely. “You, uh, wanna come over for dinner sometime? Or maybe catch a game or something.”

“Sure,” Eric smiled. “How’s it going, by the way, with you and Sydney?”

“It’s going great.”

“Glad to hear it… I’ll give you a call then,” he said. Michael nodded and with that he walked away. Turning the opposite direction, Michael headed into one of the nearby stores, making a mental not to tell Sydney about his encounter when he arrived home. That way, she could stop worrying about breaking Eric’s heart.