Betrayal & Forgiveness

Author: Janet (SkyGirl5)

Genre: S/V, AU

Summary: Jack finds out the truth about 'Laura', how will he react?

Disclaimer: Sydney, Jack, Irina, etc are properties of JJ Abrams and ABC.

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Chapters 1-10 // Chapters 11 - 20 + Epilogue

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Chapter 1

Jack Bristow sped home from the office on the evening of July 27, 1981 breaking every traffic rule imaginable. Furry and rage contorted his face while revenge was pulsating through his veins just aching to get out. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to do when he got home. He wasn’t sure what do to when he faced her.

For seven years she had been his wife and he had known her for two years before that. Nine years. He had loved her for nine years. They had built a life together. They had a child together. But now his only emotion towards her was blind hatred and loathing. She was a traitor; an enemy. Not only had she betrayed him and destroyed his life but she had betrayed his country and she had to pay.

His car skidded through an intersection, wet tires screeching and spinning on the pavement. He quickly regained control of the vehicle and sped off in his intended direction not even caring about the accident he had left in his wake.

For years the CIA had been investigating a KGB agent responsible for the assassination of ten of their own. That investigation had been heightened in the past few months when it was suspected that this KGB agent was receiving information through a mole or a leak within the CIA. Jack had been the head of that investigation but little did he know the culprit was not only right under his nose, but in his very bed.

He wasn’t even sure how he stumbled across the information; it was just weeks of searching with one tiny breakthrough: a possible suspect’s name. Irina Derevko. The name haunted him now as it echoed in his brain. The name came three days prior. Jack hadn’t bothered sharing it with the other members of his team because he wasn’t even sure if it was all that important. It may have just been another alias. But with that name came a photo and when Jack saw that photo his world crashed.

He had loved her. He had trusted her. He had wanted her. But she was nothing but a filthy, dirty, betraying liar.

The moment he saw the picture he locked up his files and left the office immediately, sheer determination burned into his eyes. No one knew what he had discovered; he made sure of it. Jack had to handle it his own way, no other.

He was moments from his house now; his hands were gripping the steering wheel tighter and tighter. He slammed on his breaks as he entered the driveway and his car came to a sharp halt behind hers. Instead of bolting from his car like he had intended, Jack paused for a moment, knowing that the second he opened that door nothing could ever, ever be the same again.

Slowly, he got out of his car, leaving his brief case where it was. He didn’t need it. He couldn’t have it in the house, not anymore. She had been using him. Using him to steal secrets from the CIA. He had trusted her, a thought he now laughed at. He almost wanted to shoot himself at the thought of the things he had mentioned to her in confidence. He had been open and willing to share his secret tormented life with her and what had she done? She had smiled and kissed him while secretly she was joyous that he had made her job that much easier. He was sick to his stomach at that thought.

Slowly, he opened the front door and heard running water coming from the kitchen. He took a few deep breaths and readied himself for an impending fight as he crept back to the kitchen.

“Jack sweetheart? Is that you?” Her chipper voice called.

She’s not Laura! Jack’s brain coached. She’s evil Irina.

“Oh there you are Jack. How was your day sweetheart?” She smiled.

Jack’s expression remained firm, harsh and unfaltering. He was trying to form words but it was difficult. “How could you!” He spat.

She looked confused. “What?”

“Irina Derevko.” He said blankly.

Her face fell and she actually looked afraid. “Jack I...”

“DON’T!” He hissed as he pulled his gun out from his holster, training it on her forehead.

“Jack!” She said with both hands raised in surrender. “Don’t do this.”

“Why? Give me a reason you devious bitch, give me one!” He demanded.

“Sydney is in her room.” Irina said quietly.

Jack relaxed a tiny bit. He couldn’t kill her, not there, not while Sydney was in the house. But still she had to pay.

“I...I’ll do whatever you want Jack.” She added.

“You are going to go to the CIA, you will tell them everything, you will tell them who you are and what you have done and then you will suffer the consequence.” He spat as he shook the gun at her.

“Okay! Okay! Just put the gun down.” She said. Her voice was trembling and Jack saw a tear in her eye.

“What? Afraid are you? Now that you’ve been caught? I bet you thought I was a fool; too stupid to ever see who you really were. Well you were wrong.” He said. “Wrong.”

“Mommy?” A tiny voice called from down the hall.

Quickly Jack hid his gun behind his back and Irina looked to him, looking for permission to move without being shot. He didn’t move one inch; he didn’t even blink.

“Mommy?” Six year old Sydney said again.

“Yes sweetie.” Irina called out.

“Is Daddy home yet?” She asked.

“Daddy’s right here sweetie, but you need to go back to bed.” Irina said; her eyes still locked with Jack’s.

“Mommy come tuck me in.” Sydney requested.

Irina looked to Jack for permission. He gave a small nod towards their tiny daughter and let her go, but followed her closely. Irina scooped Sydney up in her arms and carried her down the hall to her bedroom. She tucked her daughter in bed and then kissed her forehead gently. “No matter what happens I love you sweetheart, remember that.” Irina whispered to her daughter.

“I love you too Mommy.” Sydney smiled. Irina nodded and sniffed back her tears as she left her daughter’s room, shutting the door tightly and coming face to face with her very, very furious husband once more.

“Let’s go.” He hissed through gritted teeth.

“You can’t leave her here alone Jack.” Irina said.

Jack grimaced at the fact that she was right; Sydney couldn’t be left alone. “Call the neighbors to come watch her.” He said.

Quickly Irina made the phone call and a minute later Mrs. White, their neighbor, came over to watch Sydney. That’s when Jack roughly led Irina to his car. “Stop it Jack.” She hissed as his grip on her arm strengthened painfully. “I’m coming without a fight.”

Jack didn’t respond except to open the car door and usher her inside. He sped the whole way back to the CIA; both of them deadly silent in the car. He practically dragged her up the front steps and threw her in through the revolving door. Once inside she regained her composure and walked proudly up to the front desk as he looked on.

“May I help you ma’am?” The receptionist smiled.

“My name is Irina Derevko, I work for the KGB and I’m here to surrender.”



Chapter 2

Jack watched them take her away in chains. She looked back at him over her shoulder once but he looked away, unable to face her. She was gone now, out of his mind, his heart, and his life forever. Within minutes the agency was bustling even though it was late at night. Jack went up to his office where he found Director Johnson waiting.

“Good evening Jack.” The director said. “I was just in here looking for your files on her.”

“I’ll get them.” Jack said as he pulled out a key and unlocked his desk drawer.

“This really is fantastic work Jack. I’m truly impressed.”

“Thank you.” Jack mumbled. Somehow, praise just didn’t mean as much to him as he once thought it would. “Here.” He said as he handed over the files.

“Thanks. We’ll be up all night on this one but you should go home and get some rest. Oh and, I am very sorry about this Jack. I met your wife and... I really thought she was a good person.” The director said rather sadly.

Jack flinched at this but didn’t let it show. “Thanks.” He mumbled again. Director Johnson nodded before walking away. Jack just stood in his office unmoving, letting those words play over in his head. Your wife. He was going to become the laughing stock of the agency when word got out that he had been tricked. He had been used. His position in the agency had been undermined all because of her.

Jack was furious. Livid. Irate. All those things but yet all of them combined didn’t even begin to describe how he was feeling. He had never felt so much anger in his life toward anyone more than he felt for her at that moment. He couldn’t stand there any longer, but how could he go home? That place was ridden with her stench of betrayal and web of lies; he couldn’t look at anything in that house without being filled with violent anger towards her.

He grabbed his keys and quickly walked to his car, intending to drive to the local bar and drown his miseries with alcohol to prevent him from doing something even more stupid like killing someone, which is what he felt like doing. But then a thought crossed his mind: Sydney. She hadn’t asked for any of this. It certainly wasn’t her fault that her mother was a horrible, traitorous person and Jack loved her deeply; he didn’t want her to be hurt. Sadly, she was going to be hurt and there was no way of stopping it.

But she was Jack’s responsibility now. He loved her with all his heart and he was going to have her suffer as little as possible. So he drove home, thanked Mrs. White for watching his daughter and stood in the family room of his broken home. Everywhere he looked he saw her and it killed him.

He stalked to the kitchen and poured himself a scotch. There was no way he was going to get though that night entirely sober. Halfway through his drink and pacing through the house he saw their family picture on the mantle. He slammed down his glass, bolted to the picture and threw it violently into the fireplace where it shattered. He could not stand the site of that picture because there was no family; not anymore. It was just him and Sydney.

For a moment, Jack wondered how it started. Had she always been KGB? Or was she recruited? Why him? Why did she pick him? Was it because he was weak? Why.... then he stopped himself. It was over. Done. He couldn’t change on it so what would it do to dwell on the past? Still... that first time they met....


27 year old Jack Bristow walked into a coffee shop on the UCLA campus and quickly scanned the room as he always did. It was bustling with students chatting, trying to study or just sipping their caffeinated drinks. Jack loved to use the coffee shop for meets because it was very easy to blend it but over time he developed a taste for the coffee they brewed so that day his only mission was a java driven one.

Jack got in the back of the line and his heart fluttered when he caught site of her behind the counter. She was one of the main reasons he kept returning to that particular shop. The way she tossed her long brown hair, her beautiful smile, the mysterious light in her chocolate brown eyes... everything about her intrigued and befuddled Jack. Every time he was around her, he could barely speak which was something that never ever happened to him ever. He was the calm, cool, collected guy who was the best agent in his class and who could talk (or fight) his way out of any situation. But around her he was... not.

He was nearing the front of the line now and Jack’s throat was growing dry and his palms were beginning to sweat. He knew very little about her only what he had observed using his spy training. Her name was Laura, she was twenty three and going to be a literature professor once she finished grad school the following year. He knew her family wasn’t native to the United States but he wasn’t exactly sure where they were from. The only other thing Jack knew was that he was hopelessly in love with her without ever even having an actual conversation with her.

“What can I get you?” She smiled at him.

“Um, tall black coffee please.” He croaked.

“Two dollars.” She smiled.

He handed her the bills and a moment later took his cup, thanking her and then walking away. While he stood at the side counter, adding his own sugar, he mentally smacked himself for being such an idiot. He turned and went to leave, lost in his own thoughts when he accidentally elbowed someone, nearly spilling his coffee all over them. Smooth.

“Oh I’m sorry.” He mumbled.

“It’s alright.” She grinned. It was her and his heart skipped a beat.

“Hi...” he sighed.

“Hi.” She giggled.

Her laugh made his heart just about leap out of his chest. Bristow, you are so out of your league here, just walk away, walk away. So, he went to walk around her.

“Wait.” She said. He turned to face her once more, just as nervous as ever. “You come in here a lot don’t you?”

“Yes.” He said quietly.

“What’s your name?”

“Jack... Jack Bristow.” He said.

“I’m Laura DeGold.” She smiled.


Jack shuddered at the memory and started to walk back towards his bedroom but stopped. He could not sleep in that bedroom. He could not sleep in the place where they had been together... no. So he looked into Sydney’s room and heard her heavy breathing. He walked into his daughter’s room and watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest as her eyes fluttered softly. She looked perfect, angelic and.... shockingly like her mother.

For a moment Jack recoiled. His daughter resembled the very thing that he hated but... he couldn’t hate her. He loved her. He would just have to see through her physical appearance and into the heart of the little girl he adored. So he sat down in the rocking chair in the corner of her room and watched her sleep for the rest of the night knowing that in the morning he would have to break horrible news to her and he was dreading it.



Chapter 3

The next morning Jack awoke when sunbeams through his daughter’s window hit his eyes. She was still sleeping peacefully so he slid out of her room without a noise. It was then he realized he had a problem. Laura usually stayed with her during the day but she wasn’t around. Laura. No, she was Irina, Irina. Well, who ever she was, she wouldn’t be around ever again. He needed to find a nanny for his daughter and he needed to do it as soon as possible. But for the time being he called Mrs. White again and asked if she minded watching Sydney. Mrs. White didn’t mind but she asked lots of annoying questions about where his wife had gone. Jack quickly made up a lie about her mother being sick and hung up the phone.

He glanced at the clock. He needed to leave or he would be late. Talking to Sydney would have to wait until later.

~*~

At the office Jack felt more uncomfortable than he had since his very first day there as a desk agent. He received sympathetic stares and condolences from everyone he passed. Those reactions drove him insane. They felt sorry for him because he was pathetic and easily manipulated and they all knew it. He was weak. Furious with himself, he stalked to his office and slammed the door.

He had only been sitting there staring at the wall for a moment before there was a knock at the door. “Come in.” he grunted.

“Jack.” Director Johnson smiled. “I just wanted to inform you of the situation regarding your wife.”

Jack flinched. “Sir, I would appreciate it if you didn’t refer to her as my wife.”

“Oh, right, sorry. Well, I just thought you’d like to know that Ms. Derevko is cooperating and she’s willing to talk. I’ve assigned Agent Robinson to the interrogation.”

“Good.” Jack said simply. “Director, I would appreciate if you didn’t share any more matters of this case with me...” Jack took a deep breath; that was a hard admission for him to make. He went to speak again but before he could the director raised his hands.

“Say no more Jack. That is completely understandable.” The director said. “If there is anything I can do...”

“Well, actually...” Jack said. “Do you happen to know any good nannies? My daughter....”

“Yes, I do actually. My children had a very good one. I’ll get you the number.”

“Thank you very much.” Jack said.

~*~

After a long and grueling day at work filled with more condolences that Jack could stomach, he left early and made his way home. He had managed to secure a nanny that would start the very next day, which he was thankful for. Now, all he had to do was tell Sydney, which he dreaded.

He arrived home and thanked Mrs. White for her help before going into the family room to where his daughter was playing with her dolls. “Sydney.” He said softly.

“Hi Daddy.” She ginned. “Where’s Mommy?”

Jack sighed and sat down on the sofa. “Come here sweetie.” Sydney crawled off the floor and up onto the sofa where Jack lifted her into his lap. “Sweetie, I need to tell you something... Mommy, Mommy’s not coming home.”

“When is she coming home?” Sydney asked, confusion evident on her little face.

“No Sydney, she’s not coming home. Not ever.”

“Where is she?” Sydney asked.

“Mommy had to go away sweetie. I’m sorry.” Jack sighed. He truly was sorry and his heart broke as he saw the look on the face of his crushed little girl.

“NO!” She screeched. “You took Mommy! I want Mommy! You bring her back!”

“Sydney! Sydney calm down!” Jack said.

The little girl began beating him with her fists, trying to slide out of his lap. “NO! MOMMY! WHERE ARE YOU MOMMY!” She yelled, tears streaming down her face. “Mommy! I want my mommy! I want Mommy!” She sobbed. Jack tried to pull her into a hug but she just ran back to her room and slammed the door.

Jack sighed heavily as he got up, went to the kitchen and poured himself a scotch. He knew it wouldn’t be easy but falsely thought it wouldn’t be that bad. He was wrong. He knew that Sydney would not easily accept the fact that her mother wouldn’t be returning and the coming days would only get harder. Sydney loved her mother more than anything in the world; Jack knew that and it made everything so much harder.

From the moment she was born Sydney and her mother were attached at the hip and never separated. Only her mother could quiet her cries or calm her when she woke up after a bad dream. Sydney and her mother were hardly ever apart for more than a few hours. When Jack had taken her on a vacation and left Sydney at home with a friend, Sydney cried every night. And when they came home three days later Sydney had latched onto her mother without letting go for hours until she finally fell asleep. Now she was in her room crying and Jack had no idea how long it would last.

He hated Irina for this. He hated her even more. She had broken her daughter’s heart. But then he thought for a moment. Had she loved Sydney? Or was Sydney just another one of her manipulations? Did she ever even care or was it just an act? Had she destroyed the life of that innocent little girl just like the lives of all the agents she had murdered?

Yes, she must have. She was a cruel heartless person who didn’t deserve to live another day on the free world. Yes, she was a wicked, soulless woman who cared only for herself and no one else. Yes, that’s right.

Jack set down his empty glass and walked cautiously to his daughter’s room to check on her. She was sitting in the corner of her room on the floor, her knees tucked up to her chest with her chin resting on top, tears covering her face. “Sydney.” Jack said quietly as he knelt down beside her.

“Daddy, I want Mommy.” She whimpered.

“I know sweetheart, I know.” Jack sighed as he scooped her up into a hug and let her cry some more.



Chapter 4

The next three weeks were incredibly difficult for Jack. Sydney hadn’t improved much. She still cried for her mother every night and fought with the nanny daily. She had always been an agreeable, amiable child, but suddenly she had become rude, mean and angry. Jack was beside himself; he hated that his precious little girl had become that way but had no idea how to fix her.

At work things were relatively the same as before except that everyone treated Jack with a gentler hand. They made courteous comments and always tried to make sure he was ‘alright’. All of this just made him far less than alright of course. He began to fear he could never grow out of the shadow she had cast upon him with her betrayal.

August 20th, 1981. Nearly a month after that night he brought her in Jack’s life took another shocking twist.

“Jack.” Director Johnson beckoned to him. Jack followed the director into his office where the superior man shut the door and told him to have a seat. “Jack, we need to talk about the situation with Ms. Derevko.”

Jack opened his mouth to protest but the director wouldn’t let him.

“I know your wishes and if I could follow them I would, but there has been an interesting development.”

“Oh?” Jack asked, only half curious.

“Ms. Derevko has defected against the KGB. She has given up all the names of her contacts and handlers and has bargained with us using valuable information...”

“Bargained?!” Jack spat, anger boiling within him once again. “With all due respect sir how is that woman to be trusted?! She is deceitful. She could be lying.”

“She could be but she isn’t. Her information coincides with that we already have and then some. She has become a valuable asset.”

“Asset.” Jack scoffed.

“Look Jack, I know you won’t want to believe this, but she seems to really care.” The director said.

Jack’s eyes snapped up and narrowed. “Care?”

“Yes about her daughter... and you.”

“It’s an act. She’s trying to manipulate her freedom; I’ve seen it before.”

“She’s not getting freedom Jack; she’s willing to pay for her crimes.” The director said.

“And what is that payment? The death penalty?” Jack asked, his voice quivering slightly.

“No.” The director said. “It’s complicated but... before we continue there is something you must know. She’s pregnant.”

Jack was stunned and caught off guard. He was not expecting this. “Pregnant.” Jack repeated quietly.

“Yes. We had her checked out by medical services. They say the baby would be due in mid-March so I suppose that makes her almost to the end of her first trimester.” The director said. Jack didn’t respond; his mind was spinning. “Jack I’m letting you decide how we are to proceed. If you want the baby, arrangements can be made.... if not well...”

“Could...” Jack began his voice harsh and his throat dry. He swallowed a few times in attempt to regain normal speech ability. “Could I think about it for a bit?”

“Of course Jack. Take your time.” The director said. “As a matter of fact, take the rest of the day off, go get a drink, lord knows you need it.”

“Thank you, sir.” Jack said as he stood and turned to leave.

“Oh wait, one more thing.” The director said. Jack turned to face him. “I don’t know if you’d be interested but you’ve been granted clearance to see the video of her interrogation or read the transcripts. On a personal note, I’d advice against it... there’s really no point in-”

“I’d like to see them.” Jack said quickly. He had had enough sympathy and coddling. He was an adult; an agent of the US Government and not a scared little child. He would watch those tapes; he had to. He had to hear it from her what she had done to them so he could properly act in response.

“Very well.” The director sighed.

Jack retrieved the tapes and went into a secluded viewing room, trying to prepare himself for what he was about to see. Unfortunately, nothing could have prepared him. The television screen flicked on and a grainy, barely colored video began to play. There she was with her hair limp and hanging half across her face. She was dressed in green coveralls with her hands shackled in her lap.

“Please state your name, date of birth, location of birth.”

“Irina Derevko. Born June 12th 1950. Moscow, Russia.”

“Tell us Ms. Derevko, how did you come to work for the KGB?”

“I was recruited when I was barely 18.” She began. “I was utterly stunned that they wanted me, after all a woman being asked to serve her country like that was practically unheard of. But they said there was something special about me, but I don’t know what it is that they saw. I was young, idealistic, naïve and easily manipulated I suppose. They trained me they way they wanted me to be trained; taught me the things they wanted me to know; showed me only the things they wanted me to see. By the age of 20 I was going out on missions for them, assassinating agents all over the world. I was scared doing what I did but more scared of not doing it.

“I had seen first had what the KGB did to betrayers. They were tortured, interrogated and forced to endure a slow painful death. I didn’t want that so I did as they asked, hating it, but doing it none the less.”

“Tell us how you came to this country.”

She took a deep breath before continuing. “They came to me with an assignment. Deep cover they told me. I was to seduce and marry a CIA agent and steal secrets from him.”

“What kind of secrets?”

“Anything really.” She said. “Nuclear arms, protection of world leaders but one thing in particular. Something that I discovered was Project Christmas.”

“What do you know about Project Christmas.”

“It’s horrible.” She spat. “Taking children and programming them to be spies when they are very young. Taking away their choice. I thought this was America; I thought there was freedom. That isn’t freedom. He did it on our daughter. He programmed my daughter and forced her into this life.”

“Did you inform the KGB about project Christmas?”

“No.” She looked down at her hands. “I didn’t want other children to have to suffer that way. I told them the CIA started the project but stopped after one test case went horribly wrong.”

“You lied.”

“Yes.” She said. “And at a great risk to myself.”

“Did the KGB assign you to Jack Bristow?”

“Yes.” She said quietly. “They did.”



Chapter 5

Jack continued to watch the tape. Utter shock, horror, anger and millions of other emotions plaguing him so much he could barely concentrate.

“The KGB gave me Jack’s name and all the information they had on him. It was my job to learn more. I took a job at a coffee shop he frequented, flirted and he asked me out.”

“What was your alias at this time?”

“Laura DeGold, grad student majoring in literature and planning to be a professor.” She told them. “I... I could tell he was smitten with me. It made my job easier. I didn’t even have to try. He proposed and that was it. But it wasn’t all an act. I did love him; I do love him.” She said quietly.

“How would you steal the information from him?”

“Listening on phone calls... going through his briefcase, the usual.” She said.

“You have a child with Jack Bristow, do you not?”

“Yes. Sydney, she’s six.”

“Did Agent Bristow want to have a child?”

“Yes we both did. We discussed it.” She said.

“You wanted to have a child?”

“Yes.” She told them. “I always wanted to have a child. I had two sisters and I was the youngest. I loved a big family.”

“Was it part of your assignment to have the baby?”

“No, it was not.” She said. “When I told my case officer about it he told me to terminate the pregnancy but I refused, saying it would arise suspicion. I wanted our baby.”

“Was Agent Bristow happy about the pregnancy?”

“Yes we both were. Until I realized he probably only wanted her to experiment on.” She muttered.

“So the baby was just part of the façade of a family, correct?”

“No. Make no mistake; I love my daughter more than anything in this world.” She said forcefully.

“Tell us, how long was this to go on?”

“Not much. My extraction was to be next week... or this week I suppose, I don’t know the date.”

“What was the date of your extraction?”

“August 5th.” She said.

“Why were you being extracted?”

“Because they had no use for me anymore. As far as they knew Project Christmas was dead so I was only risking their exposure by staying longer. My assignment was complete and I was to return home. They had no other use for me here.”

“But they had used you here? To assassinate agents.”

“Yes.” She said quietly. “But never while I was married. Though, I received an assignment.”

“Yes?”

“The assassination of Agent William Vaughn but he was put under deep cover and unable to be located by the KGB.”

“How was your extraction to play out?”

“A fake car crash where it would be assumed my body had just been washed away.”

“And your daughter?”

“She would stay... and think that I died.” She said, emotion in her voice.

“And what about the baby you’re carrying now?”

“We had talked about more children... but I didn’t plan on getting pregnant. It just happened. I found out about my pregnancy two days before I found out I was to be extracted.”

“Does Agent Bristow know about the baby?”

“No.” She said quietly. “I wasn’t going to tell him.”

“Why not?”

“Because once the KGB found out about the baby they would either force me to have an abortion or take him or her away!” She said as she began to cry.

“You were following through with your extraction?”

“I have to. I tried to get out of it but... they’ll hurt Sydney.” She cried. “Please, don’t let them hurt her... please.”

Jack had seen quiet enough. He switched off the tape, returned it to the archives and then drove off as fast and as far as he could. His mind was spinning.

It had all been a set up. None of it had been real. It was a game and he had been played. She played him. She tricked him. She seduced him. She never loved him.

He thought about every time, every single time they had been together. It was all lies.


“Good evening.” Jack smiled. He had gone to pick Laura up at her apartment for their first date. He wasn’t even sure how it had happened. One moment he had been a bumbling, stuttering fool and the next she told him to pick her up at seven Friday night. She opened the door surrounded with an air of radiance and a hallo of innocence. Her long hair curled softly as it hung down her back. She was wearing a knee length black dress with a cream sweater over the top.

“Hi.” She smiled softly.

“You look beautiful.” He smiled.

“Thanks.” She blushed.

~*~

He wasn’t even sure how he had made it through the night without passing out from his nerves. This befuddled him entirely. He could be in a room full of men with very large weapons who were shooting at him without breaking a sweat but with her, he had practically become liquid.

“I had a really great time Jack.” She smiled as he walked her to her front door.

“Me too.” He smiled. She leaned in and kissed his lips softly leaving him utterly stunned.

“Call me.” She smiled as she disappeared into her apartment.

Lie.


“Jack.” Laura giggled. “Stop.”

They had been dating for over three months and by point, Jack was head over heels. They were sitting on the couch at his house, her legs were draped over his lap and they were both watching a movie but really focusing the majority of their attention on each other’s lips. Jack’s kisses moved down to her neck where he nipped her and cause her to squeal.

“Jack!”

“What?” He smiled. She gave him one of her infamous looks. “Alright, I’m sorry.” He sighed.

Her lips curled into a smile as she kissed his lips again, this time nipping at his bottom lip. He gaped at her. “Two can play that game.” She smiled wickedly.

Lie.


Eight months. Jack had been with the most amazing woman in the world for eight months. He was hopelessly and desperately in love with her and he was going to tell her. Tonight.

The stage was set. A dozen long stemmed red roses. Candle lit dinner at his place. Romantic music.

She rang the doorbell and Jack nearly jumped out of his skin. Smooth, Agent Bristow, he thought. “Hi...” He breathed when he saw her. She smiled and his breath caught in his chest. He loved the way that her smile took his breath away every time.

“Hey.” She smiled as she stepped inside the house.

“I love you.” He blurted out. Wow, way to be smooth Bristow.

She looked stunned. “What?”

“I-I love you Laura.” He said softly as he took her hand. “I’ve loved you for a long time now and.... I just needed you to know.”

“Oh Jack.” She sighed with a tear in her eyes. “I love you too.” She sighed as she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

Lie.


“This wine is perfect.” Laura smiled as she took another sip. “Everything about this is perfect.”

“Why, thank you.” Jack grinned. It had only been an hour since he had first confessed his love for her but still he wanted to say it again and again and again. “Would you like to dance?”

“Absolutely.” She smiled.

Jack walked over to the record player and turned up the volume before reaching out for Laura’s hand and pulling her up off her chair. She locked her arms around his neck and hugged him close as they swayed to the music. Within one song their faces were touching, breathing together. By the second song they were kissing. By the third, Jack’s hands had crept underneath the back of her sweater and she stepped back.

“I’m sorry... I shouldn’t....” He began as he looked down.

“No, it’s...” She began rather timidly. “I’ve never...”

Lie.

“You haven’t?”

“No.” She whispered again.

“Oh...” He smiled as he ran his fingers through her hair. “Well.... we don’t have to...”

“I want to....

Lie.

“...but I just wanted you to know so you.... so you didn’t think I was...” She blushed, unable to finish her thought. Jack just smiled and kissed her tenderly.

Lie.


“Laura?” Jack mumbled sleepily. It was early Sunday morning and his bed was empty. He smelled something good wafting from the kitchen so he had to go investigate. He found her standing on her toes leaning onto the counter and peering into the toaster. She was wearing his dress shirt that only came to the top of her thighs and showed off her endlessly long legs well. “Laura.”

“Oh! Jack.” She smiled. “I was hungry. I didn’t mean to wake you but I feared my stomach growling would.” She laughed.

“It’s ok. I’m hungry too.” He smiled.

She collected their toast, butter and jam while Jack set on a pot of coffee. Jack watched her as she meticulously buttered her toast and then spread the jam evenly over top. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him watching her and laughed. “What?”

“Nothing... just you.” He smiled.

“Oh.” She smiled back.

Jack set coffee down in front of her and she mumbled a thank you through her toast. Then he sat next to her and just smiled. “Marry me.” He blurted out.

Laura practically choked on her toast. “What?” She gasped.

“Laura, we’ve been together over a year and I love you so much. I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife and I want us to be together.” Jack told her honestly.

“Yes!” She screamed as she leapt into his arms. Jack laughed as she practically smothered him. He had to admit he actually had a tiny tear in his eye when he saw the smile on the face of the woman who he was going to marry.

Lie.

Lie.

Lie.

Lie.



Chapter 6

Everything was a lie. All the looks. All the kisses. Every time she touched him. When she smiled. When she said she loved him. Everything was a lie.

It’s a strange realization, finding out that you can count on nothing in the past nine years of your life was real. He was angry, yes. But he was also hurt. He had loved her with everything he had and she had marvelously stabbed him in the heart, twisted the knife and then ripped it out.

Betrayal. One thing Jack hated more than anything was betrayal. He couldn’t stand it. He was a loyal man. He was loyal to his country, his wife, his family. Well, the wife and family he thought he had. But he was still loyal. Betrayal was a cowardly and weak thing and he hated it.

Now he had the chance to play the game in his favor. It was his choice. What to do with her. What could he do with her? What would he do with her? He had to figure it out, but not then. He was too emotionally drained. So, he turned his car around and headed home to his daughter.

Sydney didn’t speak to him much. She just gave him these looks. Her little face was so broken that it broke his own heart every time he saw her. Her cheeks were usually tear stained and her eyes red after crying for her mother for an hour each morning and every night.

Jack went to sleep that night, his head swimming with possibilities. Some of the more violent than the other but none of them seemed the appropriate thing to do.

~*~

“Director? May I talk to you?” Jack asked the next morning when he knocked on the Director’s office.

“Come in Jack.” The director said gruffly. “Have you made a decision?”

“Almost.” He said. “I was... wondering if I could speak with her.”

“Speak with her? Are you sure?” The director asked cautiously.

“Yes.” Jack said firmly.

~*~

Jack paced nervously inside the interrogation room where she was being brought. They said it would take ten minutes; it had been nine. His heart was beating rapidly and his stomach was upset but he promised himself he wouldn’t’ falter. He wouldn’t’ let her get to him; not again. He would be firm. He would be cold just like her.

The door creaked open and she appeared in between two guards. Jack didn’t let his stone expression falter as she looked at him with her large, brown, puppy dog like eyes begging his forgiveness immediately. She waited until the guards had left before she spoke. “Jack I’m sorry.”

He didn’t move or breathe. He just looked at her.

“Jack I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry. Please, how is Sydney?”

“Missing a mother that she apparently never had.” He said sharply.

“That’s not true! She had me! You both did. I love you!”

“YOU LIE!” He roared.

She recoiled. “I’m not lying.” She said. “But I know you won’t believe me so it doesn’t matter. But believe that I love Sydney. You do believe that don’t you?”

Jack didn’t respond for a moment. True, in that particular case he believed her though he wasn’t sure why and he certainly wouldn’t let it show. He quickly morphed into his Jack Bristow: Interrogator mode and smiled evilly. “You don’t love her. People who are as heartless and as cruel as you cannot love. It is impossible for them to love anyone or anything. They are machines.”

Her eyes and expression hardened. “Stop it.” She hissed.

“Why? It’s the truth isn’t it? I was your job. You became a whore; a prostitute because they wanted you to. You sold yourself to do their bidding. You love no one. You feel nothing. You’re a cold, heartless killer who’s murdered countless people. What would Sydney think? What would she think of who her mother is? What would she say if I told her that Mommy never loved her and Mommy killed other people’s Mommies and Daddies?”

“STOP IT!” She hissed again as she stood up, slamming her fist onto the table. When this happened, a guard stepped into the room but Jack waved him off, saying everything was alright.

They stood, staring at each other in silence for a moment before she sat down and sighed, defeated. “Fine Jack, you’ve had your fun. Just let me go die in peace.” She said quietly, looking away from him as a tear traveled down her cheek. He didn’t speak; he just left the room.

“Now have you made your decision?” Director Johnson asked almost impatiently.

“I have a question first.” Jack said.

“Jack, the CIA does not have time to deal with your marital issues.” The director snapped.

Jack was infuriated. “These are not marital issues. This is about a child that is mine. A child that I want.”

“Alright.” The director sighed. “We’ll hold off sentencing until after she’s had the child.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I mean alright but... I don’t want her to stay in jail while she’s pregnant.” Jack said.

“You don’t?!” The director asked in disbelief.

“No. It can’t be good for the baby and... my daughter.. she, she misses her mother. I propose that I take her home with me, taking full responsibility of her. She’ll be under house arrest, she’ll wear a tracker; she won’t get away.” Jack suggested boldly.

The director looked at him as if he was mad. “And... when she has the baby?”

“Do what you want with her. I don’t want to see her again.” He said harshly.

Director Johnson sighed heavily. “Fine. For the record I think this is madness but fine.”

~*~

Jack Bristow glanced at the monitor showing the camera feed from her cell. She was laying on her side on the cot in her cell. One arm was tucked under her head using it as a pillow and the other was on her belly, stroking it absentmindedly as she sobbed. He looked away from the screen and composed himself before nodding to the guard who unlocked the barred door leading down the hallway toward her cell.

As he approached, she glanced up at looked at him. She sniffed. “I thought you’d left me to die alone.”

“No.” He said. “You’re coming with me.”

She laughed. “Right.”

“I’m taking you home to Sydney.”

This time she sat up and wiped her tears away. “What?”

“I want that baby.” Jack said. He had stopped walking at the door to her cell and she just looked at him. “I’m taking you back until you have the baby. Sydney is suffering. She doesn’t deserve that much heartache at such a young age. You will stay until the baby is born and then you will go. Is that understood?”

“Jack thank you, thank you so much.” She gushed at him.

His face remained cold. “You will wear a tracker. You will not be allowed to leave the house. You will not use a phone. You will not contact anyone. Is that understood?”

“Yes.” She said. “Thank you. Thank you Jack.”

He didn’t respond. He just walked away and waited while she changed her clothes and had the tracking device put on her. The moment he saw her back in her street clothes and not the grey prison jump suit, his eyes immediately traveled to her belly where a tiny bump was evident. He almost felt emotional but shook it off and gestured for her to walk in front of him so he could watch her.

The drive home was deadly silent. Irina walked to the front door slowly and pushed it open quickly, eager to see her precious baby girl. “Sydney!” She called the moment she walked into the house.

“MOMMY!” The little girl screeched as she ran toward her mother. Irina fell into her knees and cried as she held her daughter. “Mommy! Mommy, Daddy said you weren’t coming back but I didn’t believe him because I said that you loved me and you wouldn’t leave.” Sydney said.

“I do love you sweetheart. So much.” Irina sobbed as she kissed her daughter all over.

Jack only looked at the crying mother and daughter for a moment, but he had to walk away. It hurt far too much.



Chapter 7

“Mommy come play with me.” Sydney asked once her mother’s sobbing had subsided.

“Okay sweetie, come here.” Irina said as she lifted her daughter up and carried her to the couch. “Mommy has to tell you something. Sydney, you’re going to be a big sister because Mommy and Daddy are having another baby.”

“Really?” Sydney asked excitedly.

“Yes.” Irina smiled.

“YAY!” Sydney said as she launched herself into her mother’s arms once more. “Is that where you went Mommy? To get the baby?”

“Not exactly.” Irina smiled at her daughter’s innocence. “The baby won’t be here until March, six months from now.”

“Where is the baby now?” Sydney asked.

“Right here in Mommy’s tummy.” Irina said as she put her hand on her stomach.

“There’s a whole baby in there?!” Sydney asked in confusion.

Irina laughed slightly. “No the baby’s really tiny right now. But it will grow and get bigger... and so will I.”

“Oh, can I feel?” Sydney asked.

“Sure.” Irina said as she leaned back on the couch a bit and took her daughters’ hand, placing it on her stomach.

Sydney scrunched up her face. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Well soon the baby will start kicking and you can feel that.”

“Okay.” Sydney smiled as she laid her head down on her mother’s stomach. “I missed you Mommy.”

“I missed you too sweetheart.” Irina sighed as she stroked her daughter’s hair. She quickly fell asleep but Sydney didn’t budge and was attached to her mother for the rest of the afternoon.

Around dinner, Irina awoke and began preparing dinner for her family. Jack returned home and the three of them ate in silence; not speaking at all and staring at their own plates. After she had done the dishes, Irina gave Sydney a bath and then tucked her into bed, singing her a lullaby and kissing her goodnight.

“We have to talk about this.” Irina said upon returning to the kitchen and finding Jack drinking what had become his typical evening scotch.

“No, we don’t.” He said firmly.

“Yes we do.”

“No, we don’t.” He repeated.

“Yes-Ugh! OK fine, I realize I’m not supposed to leave the house but how are we going to get groceries? Who is going to take your clothes to the cleaners? Who is going to run all the other errands that need to be done?” She asked with her arms folded across her chest.

Jack paused for a moment. Damn it she was right; he hadn’t thought that through. “I’ll.... figure something out tomorrow. Goodnight.” He said as he took his glass and newspaper and walked to the guest room, shutting the door hard behind him.

Irina sighed and looked longingly at the scotch bottle. If only. She screwed on the cap and returned it to the liquor cabinet before retreating down the hall to her own bedroom, fearing that Jack had burned all of her clothes or something of the sort. But, much to her surprise, everything was untouched. With the exception of the fact that Jack had removed his own clothes, shoes and other items from their bedroom and bathroom, nothing had been moved. Even the book she had been reading was lying half open on the nightstand.

She sighed as she knelt down and dug through to the back of her closet where she had boxed up her maternity clothes. Upon further examination she found that her clothes were decent, not perfect but decent, but they would have to do because asking Jack for new clothes was most certainly out of the question. She would be lucky if he let her buy apples after this.

But, she could think of that no more tonight. All she could think about was a hot bath and sleeping in a warm bed. Her new motto, which she had come up with while lying in her 5x5 cell, was living day by day, taking one day at a time and never looking further than one day ahead. That way, she couldn’t be too disappointed.

After her bath, Irina crawled into bed, snuggled up to her pillow and sighed deeply at the level of comfort she felt. For a moment she was content to be back in her own bed but then she realized that she was alone in that bed and sobs came to her once more, like they had every night since Jack found out the truth. She prayed for his forgiveness, she craved it just as much as she craved him, but she knew that she would never ever get it and that’s why she cried.



Chapter 8

The next morning When Irina awoke, there was another body in bed beside her, pressed up against her back. For one brief, delusional, hopeful moment she thought it was Jack but then she realized this body was much too small. She rolled over and saw Sydney curled up in a little ball, hugging her stuffed bear tightly, fast asleep on her father’s side of the bed. Irina smiled and looked at the clock. Seeing that it was only 6:40 she figured that she had been awoken by Jack leaving the house, but it was still far too early to get up. So, she rolled over to her side and tucked one arm around her sleeping daughter before falling back to sleep herself.

“Mommy!” Sydney shouted. Irina awoke to the bed rocking violently. When she opened her eyes she saw her daughter jumping up and down.

“Sydney Anne what have I told you about jumping on the bed?” Irina yawned as she rolled onto her back.

Sydney dropped to her knees immediately. “Sorry Mommy.”

“It’s alright.” Irina smiled.

“Mommy, Daddy told me I start first grade next week! Did you know that?!”

“I did.” Irina said. The truth was she had blocked it out, not wanting to think about anything regarding her daughter after the time when she would have been extracted. It would have been too painful.

“Are you going to take me Mommy?”

“I don’t know if I can sweetheart.” Irina sighed. “We’ll see ok? Let’s just go get breakfast.”

“Okay!” Sydney grinned as she jumped off the bed. Irina slowly followed her daughter, stretching her joints as she went. When walking to the kitchen, she caught a glimpse of something on the front door and went to investigate. There was a note taped to the door that read Don’t go out! in Jack’s messy scrawl.

“Nice Jack, nice.” Irina muttered as she made her way to the kitchen.

“Mommy?”

“Yes?” Irina asked as she got out her daughter’s breakfast.

“Is Daddy mad at you?”

Irina sighed heavily. What could she say? “Yes, I think he is sweetie.”

“Why?”

“Well... I told him a lie.” She explained simply.

“Lying is bad Mommy.”

“I know sweetie.”

“What did you lie to him about?” She asked innocently.

Irina sighed. “It’s too complicated for you to understand sweetie.”

“Okay. Will you tell me someday?”

“Someday, I promise.” Irina sighed.

“Mommy, did you tell Daddy you were sorry?”

“Yes I did sweetie. I am very, very sorry.” Irina said truthfully.

“Then he’ll forgive you Mommy. I know he will. He loves you.” Sydney smiled.

Irina just smiled back. If only.

~*~

Jack came home that night and found Irina in the kitchen making dinner like always. It was difficult for him not to slip back into husband mode, even after everything one smile from her and it would have been easy. But he had to remain in control. “I made arrangements.” He began. She turned around to face him, showing that she was paying attention. “There will be designated times when you can leave and agents will be trailing you.”

“And when Sydney starts school next week?” She asked.

“You may pick her up and drop her off.” Jack said.

“Okay.” Irina nodded. “Thank you.” Jack didn’t respond, he just looked away. “We need to talk about this.” Irina tried once more.

“No.” He said firmly.

“Fine. Then I’ll talk and you can listen.” She said. He just looked at her sternly. “You saw the tapes didn’t you? You know what happened. You also know that I didn’t sell you out. I didn’t tell them how much information you volunteered to me.”

“I’ll bet you love that.” He muttered.

She let his comment go and just continued. “Don’t you lay all this on me. You’re not as angelic as you claim to be so don’t you dare.” Jack looked at her as it she was joking. “I know about Project Christmas. I know what you did to Sydney; our Sydney. Why Jack? Why?”

Jack laughed as he looked her up and down for a brief second. “I have nothing to explain to you.”

“What about your daughter when she becomes a spy Jack? When she get hurt on a mission or worse when she discovers Project Christmas herself. What will you say then?” She challenged. Jack just looked away; refusing to answer. “That’s what I thought.” She muttered.

“How dare you accuse me of hurting my daughter when clearly you have done nothing to help her.” Jack spat.

“Nothing to help her...” Irina shook her head. “I did everything to protect her. I loved her.”

“Loved her?” He laughed. “You were going to leave her.”

“For her own safety!” She shouted. “I didn’t want to go! I had to!”

“Maybe you just shouldn’t have had her in the first place.” Jack said harshly.

Irina lowered her voice. “Then who would you have experimented on?”

Jack just looked at her with fury and then stormed out of the room.



Chapter 9

Unfortunately for both of them, Jack and Irina were of similar personality types. They were both strong, independent, stubborn and spies. Neither of them were willing to give in and admit their true feelings so they were just stuck at a stand still.

Jack hated her, well, he hated her but he didn’t. More than anything he was hurt, but that was a weakness he surely wouldn’t reveal. But one thing during their argument had struck him. When he was doing Project Christmas, in his mind he thought it was beneficial to Sydney but her comments made him rethink that. What if Sydney did find out about it? What if she was upset? Jack wasn’t sure he could handle that and he knew that she was disappointed in him for doing that to their daughter; that also hurt.

Irina was a good spy; good at compartmentalizing her emotions and hiding her true feelings. After all, she had been trained, conditioned that way. But pregnancy made that much more difficult. Typically, she would never cry herself to sleep every night wishing she could have her husband back but she was doing just that. The worst part of it was that she knew he could never forgive her so staying in that house just prolonged inevitable pain.

In the two weeks after that fight, they didn’t speak at all. Sydney was the only one that spoke during dinner time. She chattered on about first grade, her classmates and her teacher while her parents listened and occasionally comment with a ‘that’s nice dear’ or something similar.

Finally, Irina could take the silence no longer. She swallowed her pride, took a deep breath and tried to reach her husband. “I... I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow if you care.” She told him.

He didn’t look up from his newspaper. “Why would I care?”

“You’re the one who wanted this baby Jack.” She said.

“Interesting.”

“What is?” She asked.

“That implies you don’t want it.”

“I never said that.” She told him. “You were the one who made a big deal about me coming here and now you seem to have little interested. Unless of course you had ulterior motives....”

Jack didn’t respond.

“Fine.” She sighed. “But we’ll have to talk about it eventually.”

“I don’t think we will. What is there to gain, another fight?”

“Well maybe that’s what we should do, just fight it out!” She said raising her voice slightly.

“And then? What would come from that?” He challenged.

She looked to the floor, still unable to say what she really wanted. A second chance.

“I surely hope,” Jack continued. “You are not that delusional. You are simply breathing fresh air because you have something I want. Once I have it you will return to prison where you will suffer the consequences of your actions and I will forget all about you.”

“You’re lying.” She snapped. Dangerous move, yes, but necessary. He looked over at her. “I’ve been trained to recognize the signs Jack, so don’t bother trying to hide anything from me.”

“Interesting, perhaps I should try that little technique on you.”

“Go ahead, I’ve got nothing to hide.” She smiled. He only looked at her briefly before retreating to the guest bedroom. “Coward.” Irina muttered under her breath.

~*~

The following day Jack had a mission so he wasn’t home at all and he didn’t arrive home until very late the day after that. Irina and Sydney were already in bed so he just crept quietly to the guest room and shut the door silently behind him. He was half way through unbuttoning his shirt when something on his nightstand caught his eye. He walked over to it and found a small square, grainy black and white picture with three words written along the bottom white border. It’s a girl. Jack sunk down onto the bed and just started at the ultrasound picture in his hand, completely at a loss for words.

~*~

Irina was slightly disappointed when Jack mentioned nothing about her little present on his nightstand. Honestly, she thought he would at least acknowledge it. Hell, she would have been happier if he yelled at her for it. But, he said nothing and that hurt. It was one thing to not even care about her, that she expected, but to not care about the child.... well, that surprised her considering how eager he was when Sydney was on her way.


She nervously paced the kitchen, awaiting her husband’s return from his latest business trip. She had found out while he was away and was dying to tell him. She was excited beyond words and hope he would be. She was also nervous. Alexei, her case officer, would not be pleased when he found out. In fact, he would be furious. He would tell her to get rid of the baby which was why she was telling Jack first; that was part of her plan. One thing was sure – she could not loose the baby.

“Laura?”

“Back here.” She said nervously.

“Hey.” He smiled, giving her his typical greeting of a kiss and a hug.

“How was your trip?” She asked.

“Good. Is... is there something wrong?”

“No, why?”

“Oh you just seem... different.” He smiled.

“Oh well...” She looked down and smiled slightly. He reached his hand out and tilted her chin upwards once more, a curious expression on her face. She smiled at him. “We’re going to have a baby.”

“No!” He gasped.

“Yes.” She giggled.

“That’s wonderful!” Jack grinned as he hugged her tightly.

“I know.” She sighed.

“So have you been to the doctors yet?”

“Yeah, I went yesterday.” She told him. His face fell. “What?”

“Well... I was hoping I could have gone.” He sighed.

“Sweetheart there will be so many more appointments. You can go to those.” She said.

“Okay, promise I can go though?”

“I promise.” She smiled.

~*~*~

“Unacceptable!” Alexei shouted. “This is completely unacceptable. I thought you were a better agent than this.”

“I am not a poor agent Alexei, this is my cover.” She hissed. “This is what families do, they have children.”

“This is not a family! This is a job! Honestly Irina your emotional attachment to that man is beginning to prove troublesome.”

“It is not troublesome! I’m doing my job and I’m doing it well.” She defended.

“But you love him. That is a problem.”

Her expression was unfaltered and firm. “I simply told you as a courtesy Alexei, this meeting is over.” She said as she whipped open his hotel room door and stalked off.

~*~*~

“What do you want Jack?” She sighed. It was a lazy Sunday morning and they were lying in bed; both of them stroking her expanding belly. “A boy or a girl?”

He sighed. “I don’t care really. I’ve thought about it all along and keep going back and forth so... I don’t care.”

“Mmm.” She sighed.

“What about you?”

“Oh I don’t care. But if it’s a boy I’d want him to be as handsome as you.” She smiled.

“Sounds good to me.” He grinned.

~*~*~

“JACK BRISTOW I HATE YOU!” She screeched.

“What?! Why?!” Jack asked. He had just walked into his house after a long day of work and was utterly confused as to what he had done.

“Because this baby is killing me.” She groaned.

“Oh god, are you in labor?!” He panicked.

“YES!” She screeched.


“Mommy.” Sydney’s angelic voice jolted Irina from her memories.

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Sally’s having a Halloween party next week, can I go?”

“Sure sweetie. What do you want your costume to be?”

“I’ll show you!” She grinned as she raced back to her room. Irina slowly followed and watched her daughter appear out of her room again holding a baby doll with a pillow sticking out of her dress.

Irina couldn’t help but laugh slightly. “What are you sweetie?”

“I’m you Mommy.” Sydney grinned.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Chapters 11 - 20 + Epilogue